Chapter VI - Brothers Versus Brothers

The scene opens to the empty coridoor in B1.

Literally nothing is moving.

All of a sudden, through the southernmost door leading into the Main Storage, Jericho is thrown straight through the metal door by Brick and Billy. Billy slowly and robotically marches forward

Billy: Target, Englishman. Orders, KILLIMINATE!

Jericho quickly grabs his FAMAS rifle from his back and gets tangled in the belt that’s tying it to his body

Jericho: GODDAMN CHEAP SHITTY CRAP!!!

Billy walks over and grabs the Assault Rifle, breaking it in half over his knee

Jericho: You fucking cunt! That comes out of MY paycheck!

Billy: Stand still and this will be painless.

Jericho: LIKE FUCK!

Jericho punches Billy in the side of his head. Billys head snaps to the side, but he turns to face Jericho

Billy: Not a scratch. Orders, KILLIMINATE!!!

Jericho runs forward and tackles Billy by his stomach, only for Billy to grab Jericho around his gut, lift him into the air and throw him up. Jericho hits the ceiling and collapses down to the floor in a sprawl

Jericho: FUCKING HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From out of nowhere, Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin appear, tackling Billy down to the ground and holding him. Billy struggles violently, and they push him towards the wooden crates. Phil appears behind them, brushing himself off

Shelley: You ok, Phil?

Phil: Yeah! Steve didn’t check the vents, the stupid piece of—

Phil screams as he’s tripped up, Steves hand having appeared from the vents and dragging him back in. Phil digs his nail into the tiles, but Steve keeps dragging, making Phil leave claw marks

Phil: I wish I bought Drebins Health Insurance!!!!!!!!

Phil is dragged into the vents, followed by the sounds of crashing and clanging. Sabin quickly stands up, stomping on Billys head and picking up the top wooden crate

SabIN: Hold him, Shelley!

Shelley: WHEN WILL THIS SHIT BE DONE?!?!?!

Jericho: When Snake defeats Mantis!

=In the Commanders Room=

Snake is busy staring at Psycho Mantis.

Snake: YOU BLINKED! I SAW IT!

Mantis: Liar! I never blinked!

Mantis throws his right arm forward, hurling several paintings towards Snake, who screams and dives to the floor dramatically, smashing his arms off the tiles

Snake: FUUUUUUCK!!! FUNNY BONE!!! WHERE’S MY GUN?!?!?

Mantis: You mean..THIS?!?!

Snakes SOCOM is dangling in front of his face. He swings the SOCOM to the right, and Snake follows it to the right. He swings the SOCOM to the left, and Snake follows. Mantis sniggers and swings it at the wall. Snake runs after it and runs headfirst into the wall

Snake: Ouch.

=Back Outside=

Sabin drops the crate on Billys head. The crate smashes and Billy sits up.

Billy: New orders: Kill Christopher Sabin. Target locked. BILLY SMASH!!

Sabin screams as Billy kicks Shelley off his feet. Sabin backs away past the crate and womens bathroom, only to hit a wall

Sabin: HOLY HELL! SOMEONE HELP!

Will jumps out from the womens bathroom in a Praying Mantis stance

Will: SUSHI!!!!!

Sabin: Help! I need REAL help!

Will: EAT CHICKEN CHOW MEIN AND READ MANGA AND BOW TO YOUR SENSEI!!!

Sabin: That’s not racist at all.

Billy charges at Will, only for Will to jump up, swinging his foot out a few inches in front of him, barely sending a breeze at Billy

Will: Hyah! BOW TO YOUR SENSEI!

Silence. Billy flexes his biceps at Will.

Billy: GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!1

Will: Get a tic-tac! Your breath could curdle milk goddammit!

Billy: KILL!

Lemmy appears behind Billy with a lit cigarette and stubs it on his neck.

Lemmy: HAHA!

Billy wipes the back of his neck, looks at the ash in his palm and turns around Lemmy

Billy: KILLIM—

Lemmy swings his foot up as hard as he can and kicks Billy right in the testicles. Billys eyes widen and he collapses to his knees

Billy: MY BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE KICKED MY BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!

Lemmy: And the face.

Lemmy swings his foot out and kicks Billy in the side of the head, Billy collapses to the side, unconscious as Lemmy lights another cigarette

Lemmy: And boom goes the dynamite.

He puts the cigarette into his mouth

Will: Strange man! Behind you!

Bills shadow falls over Lemmy.

Lemmy: Yeah, yeah..

Jericho, who is now back on his feet, leaps at Bill, wrapping his arms around his neck and throwing him to the floor. Jericho keeps him pinned, strangling him as hard as he can

Jericho: I’M GONNA POP HIM!!!!!!!!!!!

Johnny Cash stands over them, raising his guitar high and smashing it over both their heads

Lemmy: Jeez Cash! Jerichos a good guy!

Cash: Fuck that! I just wanna hurt people!

The room into the Storage and Offices is ripped off its hinges as Brick stomps out. Cash quickly wields his guitar. Only for a guard to jump on Cash’s back. Behind Brick, we watch as Ivan lights a stick of dynamite and looks around

Ivan: I WANNA KABOOM SOMETHING!!!!!

Karabs head slowly pops up from the window of the southern-most office cubicle

Karab: Fear me.

Ivan throws the stick of dynamite into Karabs office through the small gap between the ceiling and the cubicle. Karab catches it between his teeth and spits it into his hand.

Ivan: Oh fuck.

Karab gets ready to throw it, but Vince runs past the cubicle and punches the window. The window fails to smash and Vince clutches his hand

Vince: SCHEISSE!!!!!!!!!!!

A random guard appears and tackles Vince by his legs. Karab looks down

Karab: Kill. Threat.

Karabs punches straight through the glass, shredding his entire forearm and causing blood to flow down the glass.

Karab: .....Bad idea.

Vince: I’ll say!

Vince throws the guard off of him and grabs Karabs bloodied arm

Karab: Cease and desist villain!

Vince licks his lips and parts his lips, biting into Karabs bloody arm. Karab screams loudly.

Karab: FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

Vince lets go, spitting out blood onto the blue carpet

Vince: Tastes like chicken!

Sammy Davis Jr. Appears behind Karab and taps his shoulder. Karab manages to twist his body to face him

Karab: .....Yes?

Sammy: Say cheese.

He swings a fist into his temple and knocks him out. Karab slowly slumps down to his knees, his arm still bleeding and stuck in the broken glass.

Vince: Uhh..Sammy..I think he needs medical help

Sammy: Fuck are you asking me for? I’m only here to hurt people.

Sammy slides open the glass door of the cubicle and looks down at the guard who jumped on Vince before stomping on his nuts

Guard: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!1

The guards head leans up, and Sammy kicks it back down with a swift crack.

Sammy: Ahhhhhh...

Sammy whistles to himself and walks through the doorway, which is disguised and hidden by a thick wave of CO2 smoke from the broken hydraulics. Ivan is busy fixing something by the doorway.

Vince: Yo! Little help!

Ivan looks over at Vince

Ivan: Vhy?

Vince: Team-mate down, perhaps?

Ivan: Ahhhh..

Ivan jogs over and grabs Karab arm. Vince sidles into the cubicle and wraps his arms around Karabs torso

Vince: If anyone asks we found him like this!

A random guard enters, pointing his assault rifle at them

Guard 3: NUH-UH!!!!

Ivan: Ah vuck.

Silence. Sound of crashing outside. Sound of a clicking in the room. The guard looks down between his legs where Moe is, pointing his Desert Eagle at the guards crotch.

Moe: Want kids?

Guard 3: I’ll surrender!

Maurice runs out from the left side cubicle and slams into the guard, sending him flying across the room and throw one of the glass doors

Moe: Cheers Wor Maur!

Maurice: No problem little lad! Any of ya guys seen Frank around?

Ivan shakes his head

Maurice: What happened to Karab?

Silence.

Vince: He was like this when we got here.

Maurice: Whatever.

Moe: MAURICE! BEHIND YOU!

A guard sneaks up behind Maurice, only for Maurice to turn around and headbutt him, decapitating him instantly. Maurice wipes his face free from blood

Maurice: And thats how the pros do it!

Frank appears behind Moe, on his stomach. He quickly gets to his feet, looking around

Maurice: Yo! Frank! Everything alright?

They all watch as a guard runs into the room, only for Michael Bisping to run in, decapitate him with a punch, and right out

Frank: Never been better. Lynch is fucking biting my ankles, and I am outta here!

Vince: Running?

Silence.

Frank: Bye.

Frank runs through the CO2 cloud, and Bob slowly walks in

Bob: ...Anyone seen Bill?

Moe: Nope.

Bob: .....Ok

Daves voice: BOB! BEHIND YOU!

Bob turns around and Bill appears through the smoke

Bill: KILL THE DEPRESSIVE.

Bob: Heyyyyy...Bill!

Bill: KILLIMINATE!

Bill grabs Bob by his collar and lifts him up. Moe runs forward and headbutss Bill in the crotch, but he stumbles back

Bill: HAHAHAAAAA! I WEAR THE CUP!

Ahmed Johnson runs through the Storage Room and through the thick covering of CO2 hissing down from the door, jumping onto a crowd of guards. Past him wanders a random guard on fire, being chased by Lemmy with a can of Lynx and a Zippo lighter. Dean now enters the Male bathroom, walking slowly

Dean: Fraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaankkkkkkkkkkkkkkk..................Fraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk..........

Silence.

Dean: I know you’re in here, Frank...

Dean walks up to the first steel toilet cubicle and kicks the door open. Nothing but a white porcelain toilet, steel toilet roll holder and an empty toilet roll tube

Dean: Stop hiding, Frank...

The door to the bathroom opens and Sal runs in, breathing heavily. Dean turns around and grins

Dean: Hellooooooooooo...............SAL!

Sal: Holy fucking crap!!

Sal turns around and Mr. Dibbley is standing in the doorway, flapping his flippers

Mr. Dibbley: ROOROROROROREOOAOWWOAOAOOWW!!!!!!!!!!

Sal raises an eyebrow

Sal: Say what?

Dean starts to walk towards Sal, who turns around to him. Dibbley slowly waddles towards Sal.

Sal: I only came for a piss, guys!

Dean: Kill the insane man. Kill the insane man.

Random Voice: No chance, brother!

The door to the end cubicle of the toilets is blasted off its hinges by a shotgun blast, and a random person walks out, his hair is medium-length, slightly curly, and a chestnut brown. His face is stern, his eyes brown and large, giving him a somewhat childish appearance, wearing a white t-shirt, jeans and black boots stands the form of Samuel Chevrolet, staring at his brother Dean


Dean: Sammy..........

Sam: Dean. I’ve been waiting for this moment for a looooooooooooooooooooong time........

Sal: Uhhh...yeah, I’ll leave

Sal turns around and is nose-to-nose....well, nose-to-beak, with Mr. Dibbley, Sals eyes widen and he lets out a quiet scream

Sal: Mercy?

Dibbley: OAOAOAOAOWOWWIWOWOWOWOWWWWROARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sal quickly puts on a determined face

Sal: HALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Dibbley: Nuh-uh

Phil runs into the bathroom.

Sal: PHIL!!!!

Mr. Dibbley turns around to see Phil.

Phil: I come for a shit and this is what I get?!

He stands on his tiptoes and looks over Deans shoulders at Sam before looking at Sal

Phil: Who’s he?

Sam: Hi. I’m Sam..Samuel Chevrolet, but my friends call me Sam.

Phil: Sam..Chevrolet? As in, Deans your brother?

Sam: Yup.

Phil: Sam and Dean-Never mind—

Mr Dibbley rushes forwards, locking his flippers around Phils throat. Phil chokes

Phil: SAL! HELP! I’M NOT GOING OUT BY BEING CHOKED BY A DAMN PENGUIN!

Sal looks around

Sal: WHAT DO I DO?!?!

Phil: KNOCK HIM OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sal looks around

Sal: WITH WHAT?!?!?!

Dean shoots forward and grabs Sams shotgun, butting him asway with his elbow and snapping it over his knee

Sam: Dammit Dean!

Mr. Dibbley shoves Phil against the steel urinal and turns him around, grabbing his head and pushing iot down. Phil resists, placing both his arms on the Urinal

Phil: OH MY GOD!!! DON’T!!! NOT THIS WAY!!!!!!!!

Jericho enters the room wielding a metal handdryer and smashes it over Mr. Dibbleys head. Mr. Dibbley lets go of Phil and staggers back. Dean and Sam are busy wrestling with their hands around eachothers throats, and Sal is watching and looking between Sam and Phil and Jericho, unsure of who to help. Jericho smashes Dibbley over the head again and he staggers against the wall. Jericho rushes at Mr. Dibbley, Handdrier held out, but Dibbley ducks under and Jericho crushes his right hand

Jericho: FUCKING JESUS AND MARY!!!!!!!!!

Jericho drops the handdrier and hides his hand inside his trenchcoat, running on the spot in pain, Dibbley gets to his feet, staring at Jericho

Dibbley: CA-CAW GUVNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From nowhere, the door of the Male bathroom is torn off its hinges and Ken Shamrock runs into the room, smashing Mr. Dibbley with it. Mr. Dibbley slides across the floor, unconscious, and Shamrock drops the door

Shamrock: Come on, guys! It’s anarchy out here!

Phil, Jericho, Sal and...Sam, run out of the door with Shamrock. They all look around. They watch as a flash of blue light appears and a skinny, bald person appears with a bare chest, flexing.

Person: I’MMA DAVID DRAIHMAN!!!!!!!!

Sam: What is this?

Phil: MADNESS!!!

Person: I’MMA SING DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS!!! ARWRWRWRARAAVWGBBGAYTWTWTWWBNWHAJNBNMROWCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phil: This is dangerous.

Ivan crawls out from a vent and appears behind David Draihman, lighting his zippo and holding it to his jeans..

Person: DRAIHMAN ON FIRE!!!

Draihman runs away, flailing his arms and screaming.

Sal: Crazy shi—

From the northern coridoor to the Commanders room appears Steve, who charges at Phil and punches him violently in the jaw. Both of them collapse against the wall, with Steve throttling Phil

Steve: KILL!!!

Phil: GACK! STEVE YOU FUCKMOOK!

From the bathroom, Mr. Dibbley appears and grabs Sals shoulders.

Sal: Momma.

Sal turns around and backs away as Mr. Dibbley advances slowly. From the bathroom appears Dean, who grabs Sam and drags him in

Sam: FIGHT WELL!!!

Sal: C’mon Snake..

A random figure stands up behind Mr. Dibbley, wearing a red bandana over black dreadlocks, the standard khaki uniform and black combat vests of the Tank Building guards, and a pair of sunglasses. The figure quickly takes off his sunglasses.

Figure: Time to....kill!

The Who – Won’t Get Fooled Again: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Dibbley turns around

Figure: ...Goddammit, I totally wasn’t expecting the CSI: Miami reference.

Sal: *BEEP*! HELP!

Mr. Dibbley swipes a flipper at That Other Random Guy, only for him to duck under it and stand, placing Mr. Dibbleys flipper over his shoulder

That Other Random Guy: Boom-boom!

That Other Random Guy pulls down violently on the flipper, a cracking noise filling the air. Mr. Dibbley squawks in pain as Sal runs forward, punching Dibbleys kidneys. The door to the womens bathroom opens and Sam army crawls out, standing to the left of the door

Sam: C’mon...C’mon..

A guard sneaks up to Sam, gun raised. Frank Sinatra grabs the guard with his microphone guard and decapitates him. Sam turns to face him.

Sam: Uhh...wow....thanks.................Frank Sinatra?

Sinatra: Don’t mention it.

Frank turns around and grabs another guard, punching him repeatedly. Several tiles of the ceiling collapse and a dead guard falls down, followed by Robbie who dusts his German uniform free from plaster.

Robbie: You didn’t see anything.

Dean slowly sidles out of the bathroom and Sam quuickl turns, wielding his sawn-off like a bat and smashing Dean over the head.

Dean: .....Ouch

Dean collapses backwards into the womens bathroom and Sam slides down the wall, feeling victorious

Sam: I DID IT!!

Brick walks through the thick CO2 cloud and looks down at Sam

Brick: New target deduced. Status: ELIMINATE.

Will quickly runs out of the womens bathroom

Will: Hey guys! Guess what I—

Brick turns around, swinging his foot upwards roughly and kicking Will in the testicles. Wills eyes widen and he falls to his knees, gasping for air

Will: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Moneypennies: Pwned, son.

Phil quickly headbutts Steve off of him and Dave appears from the northern coridoor of the Commanders Room, grabbing Steve and holding him

Dave: PUNCH HIM!!

Phil goes for a kidney punch, but Steve dives to the side and Phil hits Dave.

Dave: GODDAMMIT PHIL!!

Phil: HOLD HIM BETTER!

Sal: I fucking hope Snake wins soon!

Bobs Voice from the Vents: Where the fuck is Frank? He’s not in these vents—OH SHIT! BILL! GET THE FUCK OFF ME!

Bill: KILL THE DEPRESSIVE!

Robbie runs to one of the vents and tosses a flashbang in. It explodes with a piercing screech.

Bob: WRONG VENT, ROBBIE!

Robbie: Fuck.

Behind him, Billy grabs Robbie around the neck and locks him in a headlock...

=Nuclear Warhead Storage=

We see the elevators doors open and Lynch slowly walks out onto the catwalk, looking across the cavernous warehouse, failing to see Frank, who is sitting behind an unarmed nuclear warhead

Lynch: You can run Frank.....but you can’t hide.............

Frank: yes I ca—Oh fuck.

Lynch: Big mistake.

Frank: I know...I know..

Frank stands up and turns to face Lynch, tossing his rifle to the side

Frank: Fight like a man, Lynch!

Lynch: Rules are for pussies.

Silence.

Frank: I just totally fucked it up there.

Lynch climbs over the railings and jumps down, looking up at Frank

Lynch: Gimme..your best shot.

Frank walks forward, fists clenched

Frank: Easy

Frank punches Lynch in the side of the temple as hard as he can. The sound of cracking. Lynch simply turns his head back to Frank, who is now dancing around, waving his hand

Frank: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!

Lynch grabs Frank by his neck and reaches into his holster on his belt, pulling out his Colt. 45 and pointing it at the bridge of Franks nose

Lynch: Goodnight, Frank

Frank shuts his eyes tightly beneath Lynchs grip. Just as Lynch is about to pull the trigger, he stops. His face goes blank for a few seconds, before he looks down at Frank.

Lynch: I take it I have a good reason as to why i’m choking you.

Frank gulps beneath Lynchs chokehold

Frank: You....were.....brainwashed?

Lynch looks at Frank

Frank: ...t-true..

Lynchs grip slowly weakens and Frank slowly releases himself from Lynchs choke

Lynch: You’re alright, Daniels

Frank: W-we should if the others are fine..Snake finally got him!

Wrong. We cut to the Commanders Room, where Chuck Norris has now appeared. The room is filled with a white cloud-like fog, accompanied with the sounds of harps.

Mantis: DAMMIT! MY PSYCHOKINESIS HAS STOPPED!

Norris: That’s right.

Snake: ...Dude, the fuck?

Mantis: GRAHHHHH!!!

Norris: I really don’t like having my poker nights interrupted by a gimp.

Mantis: I AM NOT A GIMP!!!

Norris: Are you saying i’m wrong? Chuck Norris is never wrong. Others are not right.

Mantis: YOU! ARE! WROOOOOOOOOOO—

Chuck walks up to Mantis and gives him a relatively light-looking backhand slap. Mantis spins in the air 50 times and collapses to the floor, blood leaking out of his suit.

Norris: Keep. The pimphand.

Snake and Norris: STRONG!

Norris, the clouds and harp music disappears in a bright flash of golden light
=B1=

Steve quickly shakes his head as Dave and Phil advance on him

Steve: Phil! It’s me!

Phil: ...Steve?

Steve: Steven Llarec!

Phil: BRO!

Phil rushes forward and hugs Steve tightly. Steve stands there, bewildered, until Phil lets go

Phil: Thank fuck!

Dean crawls out from the mens bathroom and turns to Sam

Dean: ...I’m in fucking hell..

Sam: Don’t get us started on that one, brother.

Bob and Bill crawl out from the vent.

Bill: Sorry

Bob: I said “Okl”

Bill: ..Sorry!

Bob: It’s ok!

Bill: Sorry..

Brick has already put Robbie down

Brick: Sorry little dude.

Brick: No problem..

Mr. Dibbley: I say chaps..I feel awfully lighthea---Sal? You ok?

Sal satres at Mr. Dibbley

Sal: Penguin mans back..

He runs at him and hugs Mr. Dibbley tightly as Vince, Maurice, Ivan and Moe carry Karab out from the room. Johnny Cash smashes his final guitar over a guards head and turns to the mercenaries, dusting off his black coat

Cash: Later guys..

Cash disappears in a flash of blue light

=Nuclear Warhead Storage=

Lynch turns around, sliding his pistol back into his holster and grabbing his FAMAS from the floor

Lynch: Come on, slapnuts!

Frank: Y-yes sir.

Frank gives a small salute and picks up his rifle, strapping it to his back as they walk up the stairs.

=B1=

Out in the main coridoor, the mercenaries have gathered, the brainwashed mercenaries having been unbrainwashed. Phil is sitting against a wall with an ice-pack against his head, staring at Steve

Steve: Sorry! I said sorry!

Phil: You HIT me!!!

Steve: Brainwash! Hello?!?!

Moe and Maurice are busy winding bandages around Billys head as he lays down on the floor, hands over face. Jericho kneels beside him, cracking his jaw back into place.

Billy: Soz Jerry..

Jericho: No problem..No problem

Jericho pats him on the shoulder. Dean is busy winding a bandage around Karabs forearm as he sits on the last wooden box. That Other Random Guy is also busy massaging Mr. Dibbleys arm...uh, flipper

That Other Random Guy: No hard feelings, eh?

Mr. Dibbley: You broke my bleedin’ arm.

Will walks out from the womens bathroom, ice-pack over crotch

Will: I-i’m fine...I think I swallowed a testicle...

Brick: Sorry dude..

Will: ....Yeah..

Mr. Dibbley: Sal, is everything alright?

Sal walks past with bandages around his lower lip

Sal: I’f finef.

The elevator doors beep and slide open. Frank and Lynch stand there.

Lynch: Woah..it WAS bad..

Sal: yourf teffing ufs..

Lynch: Speak English, Sal

Sal: Fuffface..

Dean: We all ready?

Mercenaries: No.

Lynch: You really all are..Come on

The mercenaries, still nursing their various injuries, slowly get to their feet

Mr. Dibbley: I can’t exactly hold a weapon.

Lynch: Gotcha...Who broke it?

Mr. Dibbley: *BEEP* did, that son of a—

Lynch: *BEEP*, finally showed up? Good, you can guard the penguin!

That Other Random Guy: Fuck off!

Mr. Dibbley laughs. Brick laughs and coughs up a tooth, spitting it to the floor.

Bill: Oh, sick!

Brick: 35 more to go!

Lynch: Ok...COME OOOON!!!!

Lynch lets out a warcry and runs through the northern coridoor, through the door and into the commanders room.

Frank: ...We should all probably follow.

The mercenaries begrudgingly shoulder their weapons and follow Frank through the northern coridoor. Eventually, they reach the commanders room, which is still the same aside from paintings on opposite walls, the marbles busts are smashed into pieces, and Mantis is lying on the gold and red Persian Rug in front of the desk, bleeding heavily. Snake and Meryl are standing around him.

Mantis: To.....get to Metal Gear's underground maintenance base... you have to go through that hidden door.....There's a hidden door behind the....bookcase....The overland route... it's blocked by frozen glaciers......Go past the communications towers, then use the tower's walkway.

Snake kneels beside Mantis

Snake: Why are you telling me this?

Mantis: I can read people's minds. In my lifetime I have read the pasts, presents, and futures of thousands upon thousands of men and women.....

Snake takes off Mantis's mask, revealing an almost skeletal face: The skin taut and thin. The eyes large and slit-like covered in large bags, the mouth and lips tinged a dark blue, his ears tightened, almost formed into his head. Meryl grabs her mouth, horrified.

Meryl: Oh... gross...

Mantis: And each mind that I peered into was stuffed with the same single object of obsession. That selfish and atavistic desire to pass on one's seed... it was enough to make me sick.....

On cue, the mercenaries all look at Will, clutching the ice-pack over his crotch

Will: Yeah yeah..

Mantis: Every living thing on this planet exists to mindlessly pass on their DNA....We're designed that way.....And that's why there is war....

Steve: Not necessarily. War is fought for a lot of different reasons.

Mantis: Including the instinct to survive..and gain money..and to defeat enemies..

Mantis: All with the sole purpose for the winner to continue living better off.

Steve opens his mouth, but Lynch shakes his head

Mantis: I admit...You... you’re all different... You're all the same as us....We have no past, no future.......We live in the moment. That's our only purpose. Humans weren't designed to bring eachother happiness. From the moment we're thrown into this world, we're fated to bring each other nothing but pain and misery. The first person who's mind I dove into was my father's. I saw nothing but disgust and hatred for me in his heart......My mother died in childbirth... and he despised me for it... I thought my father was going to kill me....That's when my future disappeared....I lost my past as well. When I came to, the village was engulfed in flames...

Snake: Are you saying you burned your village down to bury your past?

Lynch: Jesus Christ..

Mantis: I see that you have suffered the same trauma.

Mantis laughs feebly

Mantis: We are truly the same, you and I... The world is a moreinteresting place with people like you in it... ..I never agreed with the Boss's revolution.........His dreams of world conquest do not interest me.....I just wanted an excuse to kill as many people as I could!!!

Meryl gasps and staggers back. Strangely, the mercenaries simply keep watching. Dave even gives a small shrug of agreement.

Meryl: You monster!

Snake: Let him talk. He doesn't have much time left.

Mantis: I've seen true evil. You Snake.....You're just like the Boss... No, you're worse. Compared to you, I'm not so bad!

Jericho: Ha. Snake didn’t need an excuse to go around killing people.

Mantis: Then WHY did he?

Jericho: It’s his job. He’s doing his job.

Mantis: ...What about the rest of you?

Phil: We kill for money. We’re the ones like you Mantis. We kill to survive. No other reason.

Mantis: I killed to survive...but we are nothing alike..I have a semblance of dignity...I need no brothers to rely my life upon...Mr. Daniels..get those perverted thoughts of Screaming Mantis out of your mind, they sicken me

Snake: Screaming...Mantis?!

Mercenaries: Ssssshhhhhhhh!!

Mantis simply lolls his head to the side, looking at Meryl.

Mantis: ...I read her mind as well.

Snake: Meryl's?

Mantis: I saw you there... you have a large place in heart.

Meryl places a hand on Snake's shoulder

Snake: A large place?

Mantis: Yes. A large place.....But I do not know if your futures lie together.....

The mercenaries all glance at eachother knowingly.

Lynch: Don’t give the game away, fuckheads.

The mercenaries snigger

Mantis: I have a last request....

Snake: What is it?

Mantis: My mask... put it back on.

Snake: .....Okay.

Snake leans besides Mantis’s body and grasps his leather-like gas mask, but hesitates to put it back on while Mantis is talking, simply holding it over his face

Mantis: Like this... other people's thoughts force their way into my mind.....Before I die... I want to be by myself. I want to be left alone in my own world....

Snake places the mask on Mantis' face and secures it with the straps around the back of his head

Mantis: I'll open the door for you.

Mantis reaches out a hand and moves it to the side so that the bookshelf blocking the metal door moves out of the way via his psychokinesis

Mantis: If you want to.....find your future....go through that door..................This is the first time I've ever used my....power to......help someone........It's strange... it feels... kind of... nice.

Mantis finally lets out a final breath and his head lolls to one side. The mercenaries simply watch. Snake pauses for a moment and then stands up.

Snake: Let's go, Meryl.

Meryl: I'm sorry...

Snake: Meryl?

Meryl: How could I let Mantis control my mind like that...

Snake: If you're going to doubt yourself, I'll leave you here.

Lynch: Nice words, hero

Snake: I need no baggage, dammit!

Meryl: You're right.

Snake: Look, Meryl...Never doubt yourself. Just let it make you stronger. Learn something from this experience. Not everyone can stand up to mind control.

Meryl: You're right. I'm sorry. I won't do it again.

Snake turns to leave.

Meryl: Snake, can I ask you something?

Snake: What!?

Meryl: About what Mantis said... I was just wondering...

Snake: What? What's the problem now?

Meryl: Oh no... nothing. So tell me, Snake. What's your name? Your real name?

Jericho: Steve!

Steve: Jim-bob!

Lynch: Wankface!

Snake: Fuck you! A name means nothing on the battlefield!

Meryl: How old are you?

Snake: OLd enough to know what death looks like.

Lynch: Emo..

Meryl: Any family?

Snake: No, but I was raised by many people.

Dave: Bigger emo..

Meryl: Is there anyone you like?

Snake: I've never been interested in anyone else's life...

Steve: Aaaaand hyper emo!

Meryl: So you are all alone. Just like Mantis said.

Snake: Other people just complicate my life. I don't like to get involved.

Meryl: You're a sad, lonely man.

Snake: C'mon... let's go.

Snake and Meryl head out the hidden door. The mercenaries simply watch.

Frank: You know, we may kill for money. We may be hired guns, but i’m glad we actually give a crap about eachother

Silence.

Will: Sad to say, rummys right. I mean, without the company, would we survive 10 minutes on a battlefield?

Robbie: I would. Dave would. But I digress..You’re right

Frank: And at least we can go home at the end of this and have a pint, right?

Bob: Yeah, and everyone else buys the rounds for Frank

Frank: It’s a syst—

Jericho: Bullshit. I’ll buy everyone else a pint when we’re back in our underwear, and unlike this mook

Jericho taps the dead body of Mantis with his foot

Jericho: We’ll live to tell the tales

Ivan: Uhh..Jevicho..

Jericho: What?

Vince: You DO realize this is the same guy who mind-controls Screaming Mantis into mind-controlling the other Beauty and Beasts, right?

Jericho: .......I knew that

Bill: Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure.

Silence.

Brick: How does he do that? He’s dead.

Silence. The mercenaries look at eachother.

Mercenaries: Ahh no.

Lynch: So WE have to implant him with the nanomachines?

Frank: No! His personality is implanted upon Mantis! By BRAINWASHING!

Lynch: AND nanomachines!

Frank: Brainwashing!

Lynch: Nanomachines!

Mantis: Both.

Silence. The mercenaries all look at eachother, turning pale. They look down at Mantis’s body: It’s dead. Stone cold dead. Lying incredibly still.

Mr. Dibbley: I fucking swear it talked, chaps.

Mantis: Look up.

The mercenaries keep staring at the body.

Mantis: UP! LOOK UP!

Phil: I don’t want to. I know what’s coming.

They all look up and scream wildly.

Mantis: To your right.

The mercenaries all shake their heads and mutter amongst themselves.

Frank: Ok lads..take two..

They all look to the top-right corner and scream loudly. Hovering there is Mantis, dressed the same, except extremely transparent. Mantis widens his arms and throws his head back, cackling loudly. The mercenaries suddenly stop screaming.

Dean: Good enough?

Lynch: Yup.

Mantis: Not scared?

Mercenaries: Nope.

Mantis: Are you all idiots?

Mercenaries: Yup.

Mantis@ Just you wait….FRANK!!!

Dramatic music. Everyone turns to Steve.

Steve: What?

Mantis: It was ME!!! AHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!1

Dave: How ‘bout I come up there and whip yo ass!

Mantis: I’m dead, you fucking idiot!

Phil pulls out rock salt

Phil: The power of Christ compels you, you cocksucker!

Dean pulls out some holy water

Dean: YEAH!

Mantis simply watches.

Mantis: ….Yeah, see you stupid fuckers in a few years……..AHAHAHA—

Lynch: Just leave, gimp!

Mantis: Fuck your mother.

Mantis disappears in a bright flash of blue light. The mercenaries simply stand there.

Karab: Yeah. That wasn’t awkward at all.

Phil: So…….Soldier on?

Lynch: Soldier on we shall.

Dean: And we shall soldier on.

Frank: I am getting a pint when we get home, right?

Phil: Foggsy not buying Franks pint

Jericho: Foggy not me

Lynch: I ain’t!

Frank: Come on guys!

Phil: Styop bumming money off us for alcohol!

Will: Careful, he’d BUM you for alcohol.

Mr. Dibbley: Nasty!

Frank: Guys! We lost Snake!

Dean: No we didn’t, silly! He’s through that door!

Sound of gunshots

Frank: Oh-oh God.

Lynch: MOVE!!!

The mercenaries quickly grasp their assault rifles and let out a massive warcry, charging forward.

Music: Bodies fill the fields I see, hungry heroes end
No one to play soldier now, no one to pretend
Running blind through killing fields, bred to kill them all
Victim of what said should be
A servant `til I fall

They run forward through the sliding door. The sides of this room are a sign that the room itself is actually carved into frozen glaciers and solid, gray rock. The stench, resembling that of wet dog mixed with mould, escapes once the door is open. The mercenaries put their hands over their noses and charge down the slatted metal steps and forward to the far, sliding gunmetal-grey door

Sal: Ifs awffful!!!

Phil: It smells like Frank!

Will: I can taste it! GOD HELP US!

Dean: I can see bright spots in front of my eyes!

Billy: Come on lads....I see the light!

Vince: STAY AWAY FROM THE LIGHT!

Lynch: COME ON YOU FUCKING PANSIES!

Music: Soldier boy, made of clay
Now an empty shell
Twenty one, only son
but he served us well
Bred to kill, not to care
Do just as we say
Finished here, Greeting Death
He's yours to take away

They barrage through the door. Ahead of them is the proof that they are in a glacier cave: Solid gray rock is ahead of them, covered in pale white snow. The covering is solid, and Ivan runs forward.

Lynch: BLOW IT!

The music stops as suddenly as it starts

Ivan: I blow it, it all comes down...

Lynch: All?

Phil: As in the cavern.

Bob: With us in it.

Frank: Ivan, is there a passage?

Ivan looks down, at a small gap in the bottom of the rock

Ivan: Crawling, yes

Silence. Everyone turns to Maurice.

Moe: Soz Wor Maur..

Maurice: I take blame, lads.

Frank: No! Come on! There’s gotta be a way we can got Wor Maur through!

Will: Lose. Weight.

Maurice: Suck. A cock.

Lynch walks around for a short while, stroking the stubble on his chin. He quickly points his finger to the air, a lightbulb lighting above his head.

Sal: Ooooo..

Sal leans out to touch the lightbulb, but Vince slaps his hand. Sal whines.

Lynch: Can we widen the gap upwards?

Ivan: …Vell, yes, just not too much..

Lynch turns to Will

Lynch: You thrust your hips a lot, right?

Will; 1000 times a second!

Lynch: Good.

Lynch nods to Karab, who pulls off his metal body shield from his back.

Lynch: Steve. Duct-tape.

Steve throws a roll of duct-tape at Lynch.

Will: uhhh..the fuck is this?

Lynch: Strap the shield to your hips. You lay down. Thrust upwards. Carve a large hole. NOW!

Will: ….Sweeet. Finally! The pro teaches the amateurs!

Karab places the shield, front-plate first over Wills crotch. Lynch attaches some duct-tape to it and walks around Will a few times, taping it over his crotch. Will lays on his back and slowly slides on his hips across the rocky floor, aligning his hips with the gap

Lynch: Now!

The mercenaries blink several times, a noise reminiscent to a pneumatic drill filling the air, showering them with a thick, rocky dust, and specks of dust and pebbles. After their 5th blink, they watch as Will stands up, tearing the shield off his pants

Will: TADA!!

The hole is at least 7 feet tall.

Steve: What the-Ho—

Will: No! A good magician never shares his secrets! Now! Let me turn around and confirm our safety!

Will grins and turns around, before spinning on his heels to face the mercenaries

Will: We have white wolves.

Frank: Yeah right..Come on, Snake needs our help.

Silence. A small baby white wolf pup walks under Wills legs and to Billy, sniffing his leg

Billy: Shoo.

The wolf pup yips cutely

Billy: NO.

The pup simply cocks its leg and pisses on Billys shoe, giving a small wheezing snigger. Billys mouth opens agape

Billy: YOU FUCKING SON OF A WOLF!!!!!!!!

The pup quickly runs off, and Billy steps forward, only for Ivan and Robbie to grab his arms

Ivan: No! Billy! Stop!

Lynch: Men. Forward. Destiny awaits.

Billy kicks the floor, sending up a shower of snow. The mercenaries all shoulder and clutch their weapons with an echoing click

Mercenaries: OO RAH!!!!!!!!

Silence. Sound of pattering feet. Snake appears in front of them, his hands covered in blood. He stares at the mercenaries.

Snake: S-sniper rifle..I-I need a P-P-PSG1..M-Meryl down..

Sal: Lafe agaif?

Mr. Dibbley: Appears so…

Frank: ….Fuck.

Steve: Well?

Frank: Well what?

Phil: Game on, I say!

Lynch: Oh yeah, who knows whats ahead?

Billy: That’s the fun of it..

Lynch nods at Billy and they watch as several wolves are now gathering at the front of this new passage, staring at their legs with floating lovehearts above them. The mercenaries all turn pale.

Phil: ….Oh fucking shit.

Will: Looks…like our legs are gonnna get some action…

Lynch: Men…..Onward…I guess.

Lynchs foot steps forward, crunching the snow. A split-screen appears, showing a wolfs paw step forward. Silence. Cut to black.

Billys Voice: HELP! IT’S FUCKING HUMPING MY LEG!

Sound of rapid panting and Billy running

Billys Voice: FUCK FUCK FUCK!

PhilS Voice: That’s what it’s doing—FUCK!

Lynch: ONWARDS MEN! RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LEGS SAKE!

Sound of feet pattering across snow, followed by the growls and empassioned pants of wolves as the scene finally cuts.

Coming Soon: Part VII!
As our mercenaries get past the blood and brainwashing, they now face the horrifying fact that they might not be able to save the future after all! With Meryl down and wolves horny for mercenary leg, can they make it to save Meryl? Or will they be forced to float around in a space-time continuum as ten-legged goats for the rest of eternity? Find out next week, as we encounter Torture Chambers, Communication Towers, The Ninja, A sexy sniper, Blood on chips and Steve doesn’t know what we’re yelling about! All this and more, next week!