Sunday, 31 August 2014

Chapter X - Up Your Arsenal!

The scene opens within a large room inside of Arsenal Gear. A large device in the centre, laid horizontally inside of it is Raiden, eyes shut tightly with a large, multi-bulbed lamp hanging over him. Behind the device, around the perimeter of the room, is a computer console, flickering with various lights and screens. Within the cold metal confines of the room stand Ocelot and Solidus, standing in front of a pair of windows and looking up at the machine, arms folded. Lynch walks into the room, holding a styrofoam cup filled with coffee.

Solidus: You found the cafe fine enough.

Lynch: Amazing that you had one put in. Thought that there wouldn't be room amongst the nuclear warheads, soldiers and ninjas hanging around.

Will walks in, eating and chewing on a croissant.

Will: It's amazing!

Lynch: So, what's going on?

Solidus: Torture.

Solidus nods at Raiden, who looks at Lynch desperately. Lynch scans Raiden's naked body up and down before pointing at his groin and laughing loudly.


Solidus: Please stop mocking Raiden's genitalia.

Ocelot [Folding his arms]: They will need their pay now, Solidus.

Solidus: And what's to stop them from betraying us when we do pay them? They've already been double and triple-crossing everything they can see!

Will: Well, Arsenal is still intact. If we were going to double-cross you, oh mighty snake dude, we would have done it by destroying this thing.

Ocelot: He's got a point.

Solidus [Sighing darkly, turning to a nearby Tengu]: Fetch them the money we have conveniently placed in burlap sacks with the dollar sign on them.

Brick: Not even a briefcase? Dang, you guys are cheap!

Ocelot: Uh, Brick, they have put all their funds into the titanic nuclear-equipped fortress. As you can see.

Ocelot holds out his arms, motioning around the room.

Robbie: He does have a point.

The Tengu walks out of the room. Phil walks in, looking around.

Phil: Y'know, I like the cafe. I like the observatory. I even like the spa. I'm not sure about the gift shop, though.

Ocelot: Why?

Phil: Well, a nuclear-armed fortress that dispenses death is selling tea cosies? Where are we? Arsenal Gear or Helmsley, Yorkshire?

Lynch: Is that why you bought one?

Lynch nods at Phil's right hand, clutching a plastic bag covered in a whimsical floral pattern. Phil shakes his head.

Phil: Nope, I bought....[Reaches in and pulls out a teatowel detailing Arsenal Gear and its parts]...A TEATOWEL!

Robbie: How very....British of you.

Lynch [Sighing, rubbing his eyes in exasperation]: Why can't you people be normal?

Phil: I'm not the one who put a gift shop on this thing.

Solidus: Is he still alive?

Ocelot: Well, he was when Olga brought him in. I've checked everything including the Genoma data but there's nothing on him. NSA, CIA, FBI.....He doesn't exist in any database. He's a nonexistent operative from a nonexistent organisation.

Solidus: I know...But I know him.

Ocelot: ....What?

The machine holding Raiden in place slowly lowers and tilts forward until he is face-to-face with Solidus who glares at him.

Solidus: It's been a while, hasn't it....JACK THE RIPPER?

Raiden groans loudly.

Ocelot: You know him?

Solidus: You remember me, don't you? ....Well, it's TIME FOR TENTACLES!

The tentacle attachments on the exoskeleton of Solidus shoot out from over his shoulders: One grabs his neck and the other rolls across his face. Bob's left eye twitches before he faints, collapsing backwards to the floor.

Frank: Uh, Lynch? Bob's down.

Solidus: High concentration of cerebral implants. Have they altered your memory too?

Raiden screams violently. Solidus releases his grips and takes a step back, gazing up and down Raiden's body.

Solidus: This is my son--

Dave: Wait, seriously?

Will: There's hope for Frank yet--

Solidus: --I taught him everything. Jack....I never though i'd see you again.

Jericho strolls into the room.

Jericho: He was out on a hunting trip and wasn't going to be back for a few days--

Johan shoves Jericho aside, walking into the room.

Johan: Nobody asked for that horrendous joke.

Raiden: ...You know me?

Solidus: ...You don't remember....? Your name...your skills...everything you know from me.

Lynch: If he doesn't remember, we could torture him and get the information--

Brick walks into the room, snapping together a pair of official Arsenal Gear Stainless Steel Nutcrackers.


Solidus: No, we will not torture him.

Bill: So, why is he attached to a machine? And naked?

Solidus [Shrugging]: I don't know, to be quite honest. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

Bill: So, who is he? Like, really? Cause we only know him as--

Vince [Energetically]: BLONDIEBLONDIEBISHIEBISHIE!!!!!!!

Bill [Underwhelmed, jabbing his thumb towards Vince]: What weeaboo said.

Solidus: The Eighties. The civil war. One of the best among the child soldiers that fought in that conflict. Raiden, when you were barely ten years old, you became the leader of the small boys unit. At the time, your outstanding kill record earned you several nicknames including White Devil and Jack the Ripper. Jack, I was your godfather, I named you. When the war ended, you disappeared from the relief center. I wondered what happened to you...I should've known they would recruit you.

Ocelot: It's a...interesting coincidence.

Solidus: If he's a lackey for the Patriots, I doubt he knows anything of interest.

Ocelot: What should we do with him?


Solidus: No torture! We're going to use him as Ocelot suggested.

Ocelot: What about Dead Cell?

Solidus: Ignore them.

Lynch: Wait, what did Ocelot suggest?

Ocelot's right arm violently twitches. He instinctively grabs his wrist.

Frank: Masturbation?

Ocelot [Angrily]: Shut up.

Solidus: Happening again?

Ocelot: Could it be HE'S here too?

Solidus: Hmph. In another hour, we'll demonstrate the power of Arsenal Gear.

Ocelot: Attacking with standard weapons....of course.

Solidus: Yes. Proceed as planned.

Ocelot: At last report, all was well with GW.

Solidus: Hm. How about the troops?

Ocelot: Fitted with Arsenal Gear equipment as ordered. [Looking at Solidus for a few moments]....Y'know, you're the spitting image of Big Boss.

Solidus laughs loudly. The mercenaries look at eachother uneasily.

Solidus [Laughing]: Is that so? Perhaps I should be grateful to this kid for that.

Solidus walks past the torture rack and the mercenaries, leaving the room. Ocelot steps in front of Raiden, looking around.

Ocelot: I find this situation very nostalgic..

Jericho: Yeah, gotta love the torture.

Ocelot: We never stripped Snake naked, though.

Phil: Why did Solidus do that?

Ocelot: I have no idea. I don't want to know.

Raiden: Hey, where am I?

Ocelot: Inside Arsenal Gear. Hell, we're also inside the memory of Shadow Moses--

Lynch: I don't want to fight an angry Alaskan shaman again.

Ocelot: Don't worry, it's not THAT much of a memory.

Ocelot holds up the disc holding the virus that Raiden had in his pocket.

Frank: Oh, hey, it's that...thing.

Ocelot: Yeah, i'm taking it back. He won't be needing it anymore.

Olga enters the room, walking past the mercenaries. The moment she sees Ocelot, she turns her back to him. Ocelot simply walks past her.

Ocelot: A foul wind is blowing. We shall speak again.

Ocelot walks out of the room. Olga walks up to Raiden, folding her arms.

Olga: Don't move. Stay as you are. We're being monitored by a camera.

Raiden: What are you up to?

Olga: I'm switching over to nanocommunications--

Lynch walks in between them, folding his arms.

Lynch: I'm listening.

The mercenaries huddle around, listening intently. Olga sighs.

Olga: Fine..

Raiden: So, hang on, you were the Ninja?

Olga: Correct.

Raiden: But I thought you were the leader of the Russian troops.

Olga: No, that was just a smoke screen. I was sent to provide you support.

Raiden: Who sent you? The Colonel?

Olga; .....The Patriots.


Karab [Walking into the room, carrying a paper bag]: She said 'Patriots', dumbass.

Lynch: Where is everyone?

Karab: Outside, boss. Holding up the fort.

Raiden: Wait, hang on, the PATRIOTS?! WHAT IS GOING ON?!

Olga: ...I deceived my troops. Betrayed them.

Raiden: Why?!

Olga: My being held hostage by the Patriots. It all started two years ago when I lost my father during the Tanker Incident. My men and I had nowhere to go so we joined forces with an illegal Russian organization.

Raiden: The Russian Mafia?

Olga: Something like that. Actually, I learned much later that it was a subordinate organization of the Patriots. I was expecting at the time. When I gave birth to my child, it turned out that I was in a hospital run by the Patriots. In the child was gone. My baby is being kept somewhere in this country.

Brick: Dang, are the Patriots everywhere?!

Phil: They're everywhere!

Raiden: Have you ever met your child?

Olga: No. Once a month, they send me a photo of my child via network. I've never even held the child in my own arms.

Raiden: Well, given your situation, nobody can blame you for what you did.

Olga: That's your opinion..

Raiden: What about Snake? I thought you were enemies...

Olga: He wasn't responsible for my father's death. Actually, we owe him our lives.

Frank: So, who was the father?


Brick: We're going to need Maury!

Raiden: Wait, he saved you?

Olga: Two years ago, him and Otacon were responsible for getting us out of the sinking Tanker alive..

Raiden: So, you were partners since the incident?

Olga: No, I only found out the truth a short time ago. When I confronted him here..

Raiden: You fought with Snake?! When??

Olga: Well, it was around the time you were holding hands with that girl.

Raiden: ...So you joined hands with him to pay back a debt?

Olga: No, mutual gain.

Raiden: Mutual gain?

Olga: My job was to assist you. If Solidus gets away with Arsenal, your mission ias a failure. The Patriots would judge that as failure on my part and terminate my child. Putting it simply, my child's life depends on your success.

Raiden: So, you did it all for your child....but why would the Patriots want to help me? Are they hoping i'll take Solidus out?

Olga: No. You're just like me...we're just pawns.

Raiden: What about them?

Olga looks around at the mercenaries.

Olga [Quietly]: Strangely, I haven't heard anything about that..

Raiden: But why are we pawns?

Olga: The S-Three Plan.

Raiden: ...Huh?

Olga: You'll figure it out sooner or later, but I wonder if you'll handle the truth? Listen, we haven't got time for this. Solidus will commence his attack any minute. He's got to be stopped.

Raiden: What about the virus?

Olga: No results so far. I think the Patriots have tampered with the program.

Raiden: Will it work?

Olga; I don't know....

Raiden: Right, well then, can you get me out of this thing??

Olga: Not yet. I'll release your restraints after I leave this room.

Raiden: Where's my gear?

Olga: Snake's got everything. I couldn't bring it here.

Raiden: And where do I find Snake?

Olga: The passageway ahead leads to a hangar. He'll be waiting for you there. I gave him a cardkey for the hangar.

Raiden: Does Snake plan to destroy Arsenal Gear?

Olga: No. Even for Snake....Even with all of you, it's impossible to destroy the whole thing. You'll have to stop Solidus and his men.

Raiden: What are you going to do?

Olga: Stay concealed -- That's my role. I still can't afford to be discovered.

Raiden: Olga, you can't keep this up: They're bound to find you.

Olga: I'll make it through this alive. Brace yourself.

Raiden braces himself and Olga punches Raiden violently in the stomach, causing him to wheeze. Olga squeezes past the mercenaries, walking out of the room.

A moment's silence follows.

Karab: Hang on, what civil war?

Raiden: Hang on, Rose is calling me--

Phil: But what civil war?

Lynch [Calling out]: FABIEN!!!

Fabien bursts into the room and sprints forward, spinning around and facing Raiden before grasping his head in his hands.

Fabien [Grinning]: Tell us, American, or I do to you what ze mountain did to ze viper!!!

Bill: That's nasty.

Raiden: Look, ICC rules don't mean a lot in war. Someone told me that there are over three hundred thousand children in combat right now--

Fabien: Vat?

Raiden [Impatiently]: I'M TALKING TO ROSE!!

Frank: TALK TO US!!!

Raiden: I have nightmares every day, pieces of the past I can't put together.

Lynch: What does this have to do with anything?

Raiden: You couldn't begin to understand--

Frank: What?

Raiden [Impatiently, to the mercenaries]: I'M TALKING TO ROSE!!

Lynch [Unsheathing the KA-BAR knife from his chest]: Fuck it, i'm going to cut your ear open and listen in myself.

Raiden: Do you mind?!

Lynch lunges at Raiden, grasping his throat with his free hand. Raiden begins screaming as Lynch goes to stab him. Frank grasps his arm, as does Fabien.

Fabien: Non! No killing ze bitch!

Raiden: Look, both of you, here's the thing: If I survived the day's fight, I was praised, fed and had a bed to sleep in. I was only six when I held my first AK but i'm not even sure of that. I'm not likeSnake, I never questioned why we fought. There was no purpose, no way out. They give you a gun, you ask how many to kill. If you didn't, you were the one they shot instead. There, happy?

Lynch [Taken aback]: Huh, so you really were a child soldier?

Frank: Wow, that's fucked up..........None of us were child soldiers, right?

Jericho: You're not even a soldier now!

Jon: He's right, Frank. You're the meatshield--


Phil: How do you even motivate a kid to fight? The kid's in Britain are lazy as fuck, they won't shoot anyone who doesn't have the name "XXXXSNIPERDUDEXXXX" above their head.

Raiden: We were shown Hollywood action films every day. Y'know, the kind with macho guys and big guns--

Karab: Is there actually any other kind?

Raiden: --They call it image training. They built us from the ground up into killing machines....We.....were fed once a day. I can still taste the gunpowder they mixed into the food....

Lynch: Woah, gunpowder? In the food?

Frank: That's awfully dangerous, right?

Raiden: It has toluene in it. Gives it hallucinogenic properties. It kept us drugged...controllable.

Jon: Fucking hell.

Bob: That's just....horrendous.

Raiden: When the civil war ended, those of us who survived were taken in by NGO'[s. They gave me a new life in the States. I can't complain but nothing's changed, the only people who have no problem with my past have secrets and agendas of their own...Terrible nightmares every night...I can never forget..[Aside, to Rose over Codec]: I'm afraid of the night. That's why I don't sleep next to you!

Robbie: Hm. Bishie has nightmares. Get in line: We all do.

Bob: But have you been a soldier since childhood?

Robbie [Coldly]: We've seen men blown and ripped to shreds. Men shot so their brains and innards hang out. Men, women and children left to die in their own blood and tears. We all have nightmares.

Raiden [Aside, to Rose]: Told you what? That i'm a killer and always have been? What I hate more than anything else in the world is my own past. I didn't want you, or anyone, to know about it. Now I know why I was chosen for this mission. No-one can take him on--take him down--except me. I've been kept alive this long for this. I knew as soon as I saw Solidus.

Lynch: We can--

Bob: --But we should let Raiden do it.

Lynch: Why?

Jon: He's mentally fucked. He needs a bit of confidence.

Raiden [Aside, to Rose]: It doesn't work that way. No-one can share the burden of what i've done. It's not one of those warm and fuzzy things couples share.

Johan: Well, this is turning dark.

Raiden: --It doesn't matter if you accept the good and the bad. I don't want to share my past with anyone. I just want to forget about it.

Fabien: Be careful, a woman scorned is--

Raiden: ...The last two years with you...It's been more than I've ever hoped for....But I can't go any farther. I know you want to get married....but I can't...I can't risk starting a family. There's no way to erase my childhood.

Raiden sighs, shaking his head.

Raiden: Well, Rose is crying.

Fabien: You veally should not spurn a womens advances. Zey are cruel and vicious when pissed.

Jon: Can we get a move on?

Raiden: Guys, I need to get out of this thing.

Johan: My blowtorch is in my other pair of pants.

The machine suddenly clicks. Raiden lands on his feet, stumbling forward and against Will. Will's eyes twitch as he steps backwards.

Will: You keep that thing away from me!

Phil: So, what now?

Raiden: ....I'm gonna need my pants.

Lynch: Right, follow me. WE'RE OFF TO FIND RAIDEN SOME PANTS!!

Lynch spins around on his heels, walking out of the room as the mercenaries follow. Raiden sighs, cupping his hands over his groin and following.


The door slides open, revealing the inside of Arsenal: The Stomach, to be precise. A large, cold grey room, there are several mercenaries hanging around inside. A dead Tengu, a soldier clad in thick black padded armour with a gas mask and a helmet, is lying on the floor in the middle of the room, suggesting the mercenaries have long since entrenched themselves within Arsenal. Interspersed across the ground floor are various metal crates, indicating that any soldier within Arsenal is here for the long haul. Across the room to the right is a small metal staircase which winds upwards to the second floor, a large catwalk which winds around the perimeter of the room, the sides occasionally joining by means of a horizontal catwalk connecting both catwalks on the left and right of the room. Quite frighteningly, within the main room are several inactive RAY prototypes, ensconced within large alcoves and protected by sheets of glass with glowing data engraved into them. To Lynch's left is a long metal crate, with a smaller crate to the right creating a narrow passage into the main room. Dave is slumped down against the smaller crate, with Tavi sat atop of it cross-legged and Lupa sat at his feet, pawing at Dave's left leg.

Lynch [Walking over]: What's going on?

Tavi: We're just hanging out. Dave isn't doing too good.

Dave [Mumbling]: I hurt...real bad....

Lynch: Get up. Get up. Get up. GET UP! I WILL NOT TOLERATE WEAKNESS!

Dave [Coldly]: If I had my finger, i'd be fucking giving you it!

Tavi: Lynch, there's little risk of infection but, y'know, having your finger shot off still hurts a hell of a lot.

Lynch: Can he move?

Tavi: ye--

Lynch [Coldly]: Then he can be a fucking meatshield.


Lynch: Everybody does. Follow me, we're trying to find Raiden some pants.

Dave groans, pushing himself to his feet as him, Lupa and Tavi follow Lynch, along with Raiden, Bob, Jon, Robbie, Frank, Karab, Fabien, Jericho, Brick and Phil, who walk out of the torture chamber, heading up the stairwell and onto the catwalk. Eligio is sitting on a railing, watching the ground floor carefully.

Eligio: Are we ready yet?

Lynch: Just need the others.

Eligio: Oh, Johan beat a Tengu to death. It was quite a slow, yet entertaining, process.

Lynch [Folding his arms]: I can imagine. We're missing Johan, Maurice, Moe, Bill, Billy, Vince, Sal, Robbie, Dean--We're missing too fucking many. Where are they?!

To their right stands one of the RAY prototypes. From atop the cockpit which protrudes over the catwalk hops down Billy, clutching his PSG1.

Billy: You called?

Lynch: Get moving, Scot. It's awfully chilly in here.

Billy looks over at Raiden.

Billy [Turning his head to Lynch]: So, that's his excuse?

Raiden: HEY!

Walking across a horizontal catwalk to their left is Dean and Samuel. Samuel is busy looking around, with his head tilted towards the ceiling.

Dean: We're here!

Phil: What's with Sam?

Samuel [Quietly]: The Tengu leapt from the ceiling. I'm getting awfully suspicious.

Dean [Stopping and turning to Samuel]: Dude, stop getting suspicious. Everyone else has dealt with the Tengu. Or is dealing with the Tengu.

They turn their heads to the left: Several metres away is another horizontal catwalk, on which Maurice is busy kicking a fallen Tengu violently. He leans down, pulling it up to its feet and placing its throat against the railing of the catwalk before twisting violently, snapping its neck with an audible crack.

Maurice [Raising his arms and whooping]: THAT ARMOUR WON'T SAVE YEH, KIDDA!!!!!!

Samuel: What does 'kidda' even mean?

Dean: I think it means 'kid' or something. Who'd have thought that the English would speak such a foreign language?

Jericho: It's Geordie. Nobody understands Geordie.

Lynch looks up the catwalk as Moe walks towards him, reloading his Desert Eagle.

Moe: These ninja motherfuckers are everywhere. You've gotta aim for the head.

Lynch: We know that, little man.

A Tengu is thrown from atop the RAY, landing on the railing of the catwalk near the mercenaries with a sickening crack. Steve leaps down from the RAY.

Steve: Throwing them from a large height after slicing their achilles also works.

Phil: STEVE! You've turned violent!

Steve [Quietly]: When people try to kill me with a sword, I do get violent.

Lynch leads the mercenaries and Raiden up the catwalk, walking past Maurice who instinctively walks towards the group and joins it. From atop the third RAY to the left, Johnny and Tim rapel down, landing in front of the mercenaries.

Frank: What were you doing up there?

Johnny: We had to medicate Ivan.

Jumping down from the RAY, Ivan lands in front of them before standing straight and giving a slight bow.

Ivan: Da. The crazy vas......messing vith me again. And I am out of medication.

Tavi: We really need to finish this quickly, then.

Robbie: You don't have spare caches of medicine?

Tavi [Snorting]: Of course not! I only brought enough to heal wounds, not mentally repair your damaged mercenaries brains!

Jon [Shiftily]: Good. Means no nanomachines.

Tavi: Y'know, Jon, if you're horrendously wounded on the battlefield and are left with a gaping hole in your stomach, nanomachines can repair the wound and save your life.


Ivan: Vell, Jon, let us hope it does not come to that.

Jon [Coldly]: Fuck off, pinko.

Sal approaches the group from up the corridor, smoking a cigarette and sighing darkly.

Sal: I fucking hate Vince. Permission to kill, Lynch.

Lynch: Permission denied. What's he doing?

Sal [Coldly]: Making out with that stupid robot thing he built.

Vince [Yelling from the left-hand catwalk across to them]: She's my waifu!

Sal unholsters his SOCOM pistol, twisting to his left and pointing it across to the opposite catwalk where Vince is standing at the end of it with his Washu-bot. Vince screams, ducking as Sal fires several bullets. Lynch quickly grasps the gun, shoving it down and forcibly pointing it at the floor.

Lynch [Angrily]: You're shooting to kill! Only shoot to wound!.....We need a meatshield besides Dave.

Dave [Coldly]: Fuck off.

Ahead of them, at the end of the catwalk, Johan is facing the right, busy violently pummeling a Tengu soldier while Marcos, to the left, has his arm locked tightly around a Tengu's neck as he strangles the life from its body. Marcos throws the Tengu over the railing as the mercenaries approach while Johan simply lets his slide down the wall, dead.

Johan [Cracking his knuckles]: That's the last of them.

Dean: Are you sure?

Johan: It's got to be. How many more can Solidus fit onto one mobile fortress?

Lynch: A ton. On me, men.

Lynch walks forward and turns right, heading down a long catwalk. At the end of the catwalk, Bill is standing in front of the hydraulic door, holding his AKS.

Bill: Hey guys.

Lynch: What's through the door, Bill?

Bill: The crazy English guy and his tired manservant wanted time alone for tea. Figured i'd guard the door just in case a Tengu interrupted them.

Lynch [Looking around]: Those Tengu's really are nasty, huh?

Bill: THEY COME FROM THE WALLS, BOY! And the ceiling.

Lynch: Step aside.

Bill: Alright..

Bill sidesteps and Lynch walks towards the door. The door slides open and Raiden looks around. Through the door is little more than a long, circular corridor with a flattened floor stands Tenpenny and Jeeves, looking around.

Tenpenny: Lynch! Good to see you, old chap!

Lynch: Yeah, yeah...Have you seen Snake?

Jeeves points to his right. Down the narrow corridor stands Snake, giving a wave of his hand.

Raiden: Snake! Have you got my--

Snake: Yeah, i've got your gear, you little queer.

Snake jabs his thumb over his shoulder at a pile of fatigues. Raiden scuttles forward, squeezing past Snake and quickly grabbing his sneaking suit, belts and weaponry.

Lynch: How are things?

Snake: The next few rooms ahead of us are guarded by Arsenal Tengu's. Basically, heavily armoured ninjas using swords and armed with P-Nineties. But mostly swords.

Bill: Why?

Snake: Fuck knows. Solidus is insane, I guess. I mean, he is wearing an armoured exoskeleton with working tentacles.

The mercenaries look over at Bob who simply stands there.

Bob [Coldly]: Fuck off.

Vince: Awww, somebody wants a Laughing Octopus-bot.

Bob: I will give you all of my money for that.

Lynch: You already have one. That combat cyborg, remember? Where did she go, anyway?

Bob [Sighing]: Mother took her back after we.....y'know--

Lynch: No, I don't, and I do not want to know either.

Tenpenny: Sexual relations?

Bob [Smirking]: Really nasty sexual relations.

Snake: Can we leave before I vomit all over this little prick?

Lynch: Please.

Snake heads up the corridor, flanked by Raiden and the mercenaries. At the end of the hallway is a door which slides open, revealing a large room. Somewhat similar to the stomach, prototype RAY's stand guard to the left and right, thankfully remaining dormant. A catwalk winds around the perimeter of the room, albeit with no visible means of accessing it. On the ground, to the left and right beneath the pillars holding up the room, are small metal crates, standing waist-high. Snake steps forward, looking around.

Snake [Sniffing audibly]: Smells like a trap.

Suddenly, from the ceiling, several Tengu's, wielding swords, leap down and land on the floor, confronting them.

Bill: Fuck. Ninjas.


Lynch: Oh, he--

Tengu [Pointing their sword at the mercenaries]: BETRAYAL! BETRAYAL! KILL THE TRAITORS! KILL THE TRAITORS!

Vince [Scrambling his rifle]: Shit, looks like we're fight--

Vince screams, leaping back as Tengu jumps from the ceiling, slicing a katana downwards and slicing his rifle in half. Moe quickly aims his Desert Eagle, firing it upwards and blowing a hole through the Tengu's chest, sending it collapsing backwards to the floor.


Karab: Lynch, you really need to understand that your squad is ethnically and culturally diverse. We're not all Americans.

Lynch [Calmly]: You know what I meant.

Karab pulls out his kukri, yelling loudly and throwing himself onto two Tengu as they land on the floor from the ceiling, stabbing downwards into the left eye of one. As Tengu hurl themselves from the ceiling and the catwalks, the mercenaries leap into the fray. Aside from Dave, who crawls over to a nearby storage container and leans against it, breathing heavily.

Dave [Mumbling]: Taaaaavviiiiiiii..

Tavi sighs, calmly walking over and squatting in front of him.

Tavi: I've already given you a shot of morphine.

Dave: It hurts real bad..

A Tengu leaps down from atop the container. Dave jumps to his feet, grasping the Tengu in a sleeper hold before snapping his neck ruthlessly, shoving his body forwards and to the floor.

Dave [Angrily]: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, NINJA!

Tavi looks down at the body, then at Dave, raising her eyebrows slowly.

Tavi: Dave?

Dave [Slumping down against the container, dramatically]: Really hurts, Tavi...Hurts really bad...

A Tengu leaps across from the top of the container and into the fray, landing to Phil's right. Phil twists around and slams the butt of his rifle into the Tengu's gut, charging his shoulder forward and pressing the brunt of it against the Tengu's body, pushing it over before unloading half of a clip into the head and torso of the Tengu, screaming as he does.


Steve grabs Phil, dragging him back, his lower torso and legs sprayed with blood from the cavernous wounds he inflicted onto the Tengu.

Steve: Careful, Phil, you were about to go full psycho.

Phil: What about Jerry?

Phil and Steve look over at Jericho who shoots a Tengu in the left foot with his pistol, then the right foot, then the left knee and the right knee. As soon as the Tengu hits its knees, Jericho places his second pistol directly down into the top of the Tengu's skull and pulls the trigger.

Steve: He's just enjoying himself way too much.

A Tengu leaps at Maurice. Maurice grabs the Tengu, twisting it around and turning it away from him before snapping its neck, lifting its corpse into a military press and throwing it onto two more advancing Tengu, sending them to the floor. Before they can scramble to their feet, Eligio rushes behind them, shooting them both in the back of the head with his dual pistols.

Eligio [Roaring to the heavens]: VIVA LA MEXICO!!!!!!!!!

Eligio dashes on as Johan throws a Tengu against a nearby wall and rushes forward, crushing its skull with the back of his left elbow. A Tengu leaps towards Lynch and he swiftly ducks, twisting around and locking his arms around its neck, wrenching the sword from its hands. The Tengu twists around as Lynch quickly pulls the sword towards him. Lynch stabs the Tengu through the chest, twisting the sword and turning slightly to his left, raising his pistol and shooting an advancing Tengu between the eyes. As the Tengu falls backwards, Eligio rushes forwards, snatching the sword from its hands and pirouetting, slicing the head off of another Tengu.

Snake [Smoking his cigarette]: Y'know what? Just leave them to it.

Raiden: No. I want to be a man too!

Raiden screams loudly, rushing forward and running his sword through the chest of a Tengu with its back to him, pulling it out and slicing off the Tengu's head.

Snake [Yawning and pulling out a rolled magazine from the back of his belt]: Well then, may as well read my porn. This'll take a while.

Bill rushes forward and slices across his body with a sword scavenged from a fallen Tengu, slicing the top of a Tengu's head clean off, revealing the brain matter within the exposed skull. The Tengu stands there and Bill quickly reaches in, tickling the exposed, jelly-like brain matter of the Tengu.


The Tengu laughs loudly before collapsing backwards to the floor, dead.

Vince: Bill, what the fuck?

Bill [Turning around]: Oh, come on! You can't tell me that wasn't cool!

Vince: That was sickening!

Bill: But everyone's having fun!

Bill and Vince look over at Ivan, who is standing beside a Tengu, hands clasped on its left shoulder and sword pinned through its right foot. Karab stands to its right, holding a sword backwards with the blade placed directly over the heart of the Tengu. Brick rushes forward, hitting a Superkick into the pommel of the sword, sending it straight through the chest of the Tengu which collapses backwards. Brick falls to his knees, holding out his arms palms upwards and looking at the ceiling.


Tavi [Sighing, leaning against a storage container]: You guys need to find women or men or something.

Jon [Walking past, holding two heads in his hands]: Why don't you get involved? Spill some blood? Maybe it'll stop you from being a bitch.

Tavi [Scoffing]: You have such a way with women, Jon--

Jon [Angrily]: You better not fucking accuse me of being sexist! I fucking hate everybody no matter whether they've got a cock or a pussy!

Tavi: That's good: I won't order the fedora for you just yet.


Bill [Impatiently, dragging a Tengu in a headlock]: You hate everything, boy!!

Jon [Quietly]: I especially hate fedora's.

Jon twists around, throwing one head towards a Tengu. The Tengu is hit in the chest, knocking it to the floor before Eligio rushes over, pointing his pistol down at it and shooting it between the eyes before rushing forward, aiming both of his pistols around the room and firing wildly. A Tengu leaps at Raiden who leaps into the air, piouretting and slicing the Tengu into several clean slices before landing on the floor, drenched from head to foot in blood.

Raiden [Cackling]: I AM ALL THAT IS MAN!!!!

Bill snaps the neck of the Tengu, throwing the body to the ground. In the upper-left corner of the room, at the end of the corridor with the room directly in the middle of the wall he is against, Phil is shoved into a corner by a Tengu which quickly points its sword at him. Having advanced far past the mercenaries who are still in the middle of the room, Phil is alone with no means of visible support. Phil grasps the Banjolele around his neck, shaking his head.

Phil: Hang on, hang on, do you clean windows?

Tengu [Confused]: No, wh--

Phil aims his Banjolele at the Tengu, strumming a split stroke against the bottom string. A shotgun shell explodes out, blowing the Tengu's head clean off in a spray of blood, bone and mucus. Phil quickly pulls the Banjolele back to his body, strumming energetically.

Phil: In my profession I work hard, but i'll never stop! I'll climb this blinkin' ladder til I get right to the--

Phil catches the bottom string and another shell explodes out, causing Phil to pull his head back. A Tengu, coincidentally leaping downwards towards the madman, is blown backwards, the neck of the guitar pointing upwards at the direct position of the Tengu. Phil quickly turns his head, watching the Tengu hit a wall behind it and slide down, leaving a smear of blood as it does.

Phil: Well, shit.

Bill: That's some good playing, Phil.

Phil: Better than fucking Rockabilly, eh?

Phil strums again, another shot firing out and smashing a hole into the wall.

Bill [Eyes widening]: Dude, what gauge are those shells?

Phil: Twenty gauge. It's an automatic, y'know, just strum a string, shell fires, one moves up from a holster in the body into the barrel. Steve designed a circular magazine that fits perfectly into the body. Makes it sound a bit shit, though.

Bill: We have to sacrifice something for firepower, eh?

Phil: Yep.

Tim rushes by, cackling as he holds down a string on the Banjolele, a stream of fire roaring out from the head. Several Tengu's quickly run away, scuttling up the walls. The mercenaries push forward into the final sector of the room, heading towards the door as Tim continues to spray fire, laughing loudly.

Phil: I do love his banjolele, though.

Bill: Why didn't you make yourself one?

Phil: Making an RPGolele.

Bill: Son of a bitch!

Steve confronts a Tengu which points its sword at him. Steve closes his eyes before slowly opening them.

Steve: Why?

The Tengu charges at him. Steve ducks under a jab from the sword and slams his hand into the chest of the Tengu. The Tengu twists around, taking a single step forward before exploding violently in a shower of flesh, armour and blood. Steve looks at his right hand, flexing his fingers.

Samuel: Dude, pressure points?

Steve: Pressure points.

A Tengu lands in front of Steve. Samuel pushes him aside, jabbing his thumb into his chest. The Tengu vibrates violently before exploding in a shower of blood and bright sparkles.

Samuel and Steve [In unison]: Pressure points!

Karab: Kukri.

Karab walks past, throwing his kukri which slices through the air and into the side of a Tengu's neck, sending it crumpling dead to the floor.

Karab [Pointing]: All you need is the kukri.

Johan storms past them, dragging a dead Tengu by the leg behind him and spinning around in a circle, hurling the Tengu at another Tengu, knocking down the second one and allowing Moe to leap onto its chest, firing his Desert Eagle down into the Tengu's skull and blowing it open in a plume of gore. Moe leaps off of the Tengu and twists around, looking up at a Tengu. Lynch grabs the Tengu, twisting it around and stabbing it between the eyes before twisting the knife before pulling it out with a sickening crunch and placing his foot onto the Tengu's abdomen, pushing it backwards.

Lynch [Roaring]: WHO'S NEXT?!?!?

Raiden: Uh, guys? They're all dead.

The mercenaries stop, looking around at the sheer death and carnage they've caused, to the point where every inch of the floor is slicked with blood.

Lynch: Stress relieved?

Johan: Stress relieved.

Frank: Shall we get going?

Lynch: Oh, I could really fuck up Solidus right now!


Johnny screams violently, charging through the door.

Johan: I'm beginning to like this kid.

Tim: Oh, for goodness sake, let's go and slap some shits!

Tim charges forward.

Lynch: As if these guys are our vanguard.

Billy: We should really follow 'em.

Lynch [Clapping his hands and walking forward]: COME ON THEN, LADIES!! WHO WANT TO LIVE FOREVER??!?!?

Vince: Uh, I do, which is why i'm not moving--


Phil charges forward through the door.

Tavi: Well, he wants to die. Apparently.

Jericho charges through the door, followed by Ivan cackling inanely.

Tenpenny: TALLY HO!!!!

Tenpenny charges forward through the door as Jeeves slowly follows him through the door.

Tavi: Aaaaaaaaaand so do they.

Billy charges forward, pounding his chest. Bill rushes forward, followed by Sal and Vince.


Lynch screams loudly, charging through the door, followed by Fabien.


Will: But if they offer surrender, i'm taking it.


Billy stomps past Will. Will watches, yelping as Moe rushes forward, twists around and kicking him in the shin.


Moe twists around, rushing through the door as the remainder of the mercenaries follow.


They emerge in a small room, appearing orange thanks to the lighting. Filing through in single fire, they emerge in a large, metal circular room. With a catwalk surrounding the perimeter of the room, the mercenaries let out an audible sigh, knowing the inevitable zurg rush of Tengu's that is bound to follow.

Snake: Above here, we reach the surface of Arsenal, guarded by RAY's.

Sal: How many?

Snake: How would I know? All I know is that there are loads of them. A metric fuckton of RAY's. All ready to slaughter any intruder. Including us.

Vince: Perfect.

Washu-bot: Bring 'em on!

Tenpenny [Chewing his pipe]: Well, we've already slaughtered an entire army of Tengu, I hardly think killer robots will provide us with a challenge!

Frank [Robotically]: Yes. And how many more Tengu can there possibly be?

Suddenly, from the catwalk, several Tengu's leap down. Wielding their swords and P90's SMG's, they form a circle around the mercenaries, Snake and Raiden.

Bill: More fucking Tengu.


Frank: Nope.

A Tengu leaps towards Lynch who simply fires his pistol at it, shooting a hole through the left eye socket of the gas mask and causing it to collapse to the floor.

Lynch: Well? Get killing!

Two Tengu's leap onto Marcos who flails around. Snake raises an M4 Assault Rifle, finally committing to a battle, and fires on two advancing Tengu's, killing them. Raiden grasps his sword, screaming wildly and leaping into the fray. Eligio cracks out his whip, snapping it violently at an advancing Tengu repeatedly, advancing as he does. The Tengu twists around and the whip is wrapped around his neck. Eligio spins on the spot, the whip tightening and strangling the Tengu as it falls to its knees. Robbie bursts from the fray, firing his Luger at a Tengu and shooting through the right eye socket of the gas mask. The Tengu hits the floor and Robbie aims upwards, shooting at a leaping Tengu which simply crumples into a heap on impact, bleeding profusely from the groin.

Dave: Dickshots aren't nice, Robbie.

Dave pats Lupa, who charges forward and leaps at a Tengu, gnashing her teeth and ripping at armor as she sinks her teeth into its throat, ripping at exposed flesh and veins as blood pours from her mouth. Lynch rushes forward, wielding his bowie knife and stabs a Tengu in the back as Raiden spins around, cutting off its head in a single slash. The Tengu stumbles around as Lynch turns, looking at the mercenaries simply huddled in the middle of the room.

Lynch: FIGHT!

Phil: It's far too cramped in here to have a good brawl.

Tenpenny walks out of the circle, puffing on his pipe. A Tengu leaps down, hitting the ground in front of him: Tenpenny simply twists the Tengu around, placing his left arm around its neck, locking it to his right arm placed up against the Tengu's head and snaps the Tengu's neck before calmly walking back into the group.

Tenpenny: I've done my bit of fighting, chap, it's time for a rest!

Frank: How many more of these guys are there?!

A Tengu leaps in front of Raiden, who simply stabs it in the gut before swiping the sword upwards, cleaving the Tengu's body in half which falls apart, swaying like the wings of a butterfly as the dismembered corpse collapses backwards. Lynch turns to a Tengu, gripping his knife and gripping the side of the Tengu's gas mask. Lynch stabs the Tengu in the throat, ripping out his knife and placing his hand against the Tengu's shoulder, pushing it away. The Tengu collapses onto its side, a pool of blood forming beneath its body as it dies. Snake lowers his M4, looking around: As suddenly as it started, the stream of Tengu's simply ceases.

Sal: That was quick!

Frank: Well, yeah, we wiped more than half of them out in the other room!

Snake: That's the last of them. I hope.

Will: Good. Who knows what other sur--

Billy [Quickly]: Don't jinx it?

Will: What? I was only going to say who knows what other surprises await us?

On cue, footsteps echo throughout the room. Walking towards them, through the corridor they entered the room in, is Fortune. Still clad in her skintight costume, but no longer wearing the coat over her body, she stops as soon as she steps onto the elevator.

Billy [Bluntly]: I fucking hate yeh.

Raiden: Fortune.

Fortune [Stepping forward]: It's been a long wait....Solid Snake....the root of all my sorrows.

Fortune points at Snake, who remains unperturbed.

Snake: What the fuck are you talking about?

Fortune: Two years ago, you killed my father! That was the beginning of hell for us! Everyone I love has been taken from me, one by one and no matter how hard I try, I can't follow them. An endless nightmare....The only thing we live for is to see it end! Our wait is almost over!

Raiden: Ah, the nuke.

Phil: Yeah, we almost forgot about the nuke, what with this fortress basically carrying every kind of evil known to man, including freedom-crushing AI's and bipedal deathbots.

Raiden: But you can't be serious about firing the nuke!

Fortune: Since no-one can kill me, I may as well kill everyone I can.

Snake: That's not very nice--

Fortune [Raising her railgun]: Starting with you, Solid Snake!

Tenpenny: Oh, bugger.

Raiden: Dammit!

Snake: Looks like i'm today's pick. You go on ahead.

Frank: We need to make sure Snake lives too--

Snake: I'll be fine, wimps. Go on. Protect the kid.

Lynch [Aside, to Frank]: Alright, Frank, have you got your big boy panties on?

Frank [Taken aback]: Well, uh--

Lynch: Frank, you take the mercenaries and follow Raiden. Protect him. I'll stay here with Snake and fuck this cunt up.

Sal: I vote no confidence--

Lynch [Turning his head to the mercenaries, angrily]: This isn't a fucking request! It's an ORDER! Have you heard of those? START FOLLOWING THEM! Frank's in charge: This shit shouldn't take more than five minutes.

Raiden turns around, walking through the huddle of mercenaries and towards the rungs welded into the wall, leading up to the top of Arsenal.

Frank [Hesitantly]: Well--uh--You heard him. Follow Raiden.

Jericho [Quietly]: Arsehole.

Fabien: NON! I STAY VITH--

Lynch [To Fabien]: No, you go. I need someone to wipe Frank's ass when he inevitably messes up.


Lynch: I plan on it.

Frank drags his feet forward as Raiden begins climbing up the rungs. Frank grabs onto them, climbing up as the mercenaries hesitantly follow.

Sal: You can't be serious, Lynch. This is MY time to shine!

Lynch [Not bothering to look at Sal]: Shut up and follow orders.

Sal kicks the ground, sighing bitterly as he follows the mercenaries as they climb up the ladder.

Snake: You want eternal rest, you bitch? I've got it right here in the form of five-point-five-six millimetre bullets!

Lynch [Aside, to Snake]: What do we do? You've seen her: Bullets deflect from her.

Snake [Quietly, aside to Lynch]: There's no such thing as a witch. We'll find a way.

Fortune: Do both of you think you can kill me?!

Snake: I don't know what your group's been through, but let's get one thing clear: I didn't kill your father.

Fortune [Angrily]: Do you think anyone believes your lies?!

Snake and Lynch raise their M4 and AKS respectively, firing towards Fortune as she fires her railgun. Raiden and the mercenaries, however, have already ascended away from the fury..


They have since emerged onto what appears to be the top of Arsenal Gear. The floor they stand on stretches far into the distance, with the horizon barely visible from beyond Arsenal. The floor they stand on is marked with glowing distance markers and data. The mercenaries and Raiden pace around, looking to the sky which swirls with dark clouds.

Karab: This? This isn't good. Where do we go from here?

Dean: Over the edge.

Bob [Scathingly]: Well, let's listen to Frank, HE'S in charge.

Bob folds his arms, turning his head and glaring at Frank.

Frank: Uhhh--

Bob: Come on, Frank. What do we do?!

Frank: .........We...........stay here--

Phil [Clapping sarcastically]: My God, Frank, that's a great plan!

Tavi [Sighing]: If only I was in charge..

Dave: No, I should be in charge!

Will: You? You're a cripple! You can't be in charge! The only thing you're going to be in charge of from now on is fundraising!

Dave looks at Will, tapping Lupa's rear with the side of his foot. Lupa growls viciously, leaping onto Will and tackling him down, biting at every inch of flesh she can reach as Will screams wildly, flailing.


Dave: You deserve it!

Lupa pulls away from Will, retching and coughing out half of a moustache as Will rolls onto his stomach, lashing his feet out and whimpering.

Raiden: Guys, what are we doing here?

Tavi: Getting a tan.

Tenpenny: Chaps, we should wait until Lynch arrives. Until then, I say we tie Frank up!

Robbie: And gag him!

The mercenaries turn to Frank who walks backwards, arms raised in the air.

Frank [Laughing nervously]: Guys, Lynch made me in command of you, so if you don't stop now, I'll...

Samuel: Piss yourself?

Frank: It's nervous sweat!

Without warning, a sudden laugh bursts out: Solidus. The mercenaries stop, looking around.

Raiden: Oh God, what now?!

Solidus's Voice: Jack, I've been watching how you fight. It looks like you've remembered the way you used to kill in the old days! Or is it one of the S-Three plan's proud achievements?

Raiden: What are you talking about?

Solidus's Voice: It came as a complete surprise when Ocelot discovered the S-Three data from GW. Not a bad idea, though: Using fire to fight fire, creating the perfect assassin to retire Solid Snake's brother. S-Three stands for Solid Snake Simulation. It's a development program designed to artificially reproduce Solid Snake, the perfect warrior. The result is a FOXHOUND commando when FOXHOUND no longer exists, a simulated Solid Snake shaped by VR regimen. Sound like someone you know.....Jack? I'm sorry to see you reduced to one of the Patriots' puppets.

Sal: I'm getting bored here.


Solidus's Voice: Shut up, i'm talking to Raiden. Anyway, before we were interrupted, as I was saying..I've made use of you and their plan too. Solid Snake's sudden appearance, your arrival...It was obvious the Patriots were among my ranks. I had to smoke out the agent before the mission entered the final phase. You came in bait. Jack, those days during the civil war were as real as they come. Every day was absolute, split between life and death--


Will: Yeah! What he said!

Solidus: --You ran from it and now you've been led back to war by something less than real.


Without warning, Solidus Snake shoots towards them, skidding to a halt in front of them and leaving a stream of flames as he does.

Frank: ---I just soiled myself.

Phil: There's the mouthy cunt!


Solidus: No more games, Jack. At least you know. There's no reason to keep you alive now--any of you--with my grand plan having been exposed.

Three RAY's, to their left, begin marching forward. These robots are very much active and are bearing down on Raiden and the mercenaries.

Vince: AW, FUCK!

Phil: We're boned. Here come the RAY's.


Karab: I WILL---Actually, that is quite terrifying.

Robbie: Even I will admit that fighting all of these RAY's is quite....suicidal.

Tenpenny: Well, tally ho, chaps?

Jeeves [Tiredly]: Sir, I will follow you to a glorious death. I will not follow you into a pointless suicide, however.

Solidus: I've given you all a worthy opponent at least. But now, you should die as the little Jackie boy I once knew, and the rest of you should like the dogs that I don't know.

Solidus shoots off into the distance, leaving Raiden and the mercenaries to gaze up at the RAY.

Fabien: So, vat do ve do, zen?

Frank: We kill them. What else?

Ivan rushes forward, cackling loudly and throwing several lit sticks of dynamite through the air. The dynamite explodes at random intervals, with some completely missing the RAY's but two colliding with the head of the central RAY, exploding and sending it crumbling backwards to the floor.

Sal [Rushing forward, clutching a baseball bat and a baseball for no apparent reason]: LET'S WASTE 'EM!!

Sal throws the baseball up, swinging and hitting it with the bat. The baseball sails through the air, cutting straight through the head of the left-hand RAY and slicing through the control panels, sending it collapsing backwards like a fell tree to the floor with a deafening crash.

Sal [Throwing the baseball bat into the air]: BONK, BITCHES!!!!!!!

Robbie fires his Luger at the third and final RAY as two more begin to slowly walk forwards. Steve gets on his knees and twists around, somehow pulling out an RPG from the left leg of his pants and loading a rocket into it, twisting around as Billy begins firing off random sniper shots at the RAY. Steve fires the RPG which spirals through the air, leaving a plume of smoke slicing through the air as it detonates on contact with the head of RAY. The RAY reels backwards but remains intact as Jericho walks forward, firing both off his pistols towards one of the RAY's approaching the mercenaries.



Washu-bot: GOTCHA!!

Steve fires off a second rocket, colliding once again with the head of the RAY and causing it to collapse backwards. The other two RAY's previously advancing are now heading towards the group, with the flurry of bullets doing little to impede the right-hand RAY. The Washu-bot steps forward and fires a laser from her eyes, causing the RAY that Jericho was firing at to simply disintegrate into a pile of ash.

Vince: THAT'S MY--[Panicking]--OH GOD, WASHU, NO!!!!!!

The second RAY stomps over, raising its foot high and stomping down violently onto the Washu-bot, crushing her effortlessly. Vince screams wildly, rushing over as the RAY grinds its foot into the remains, with little more than a disembodied hand, riddled with torn and crushed wiring, remaining of the poor robot. A salvo of fire opens up from Ivan, Robbie, Steve and Billy, with bullets and rockets cascading into the cockpit of RAY and blowing open a charred, ragged hole within the head, causing it to stumble backwards and collapse to the floor, revealing that the Washu-bot is little more than a pile of crushed metal, synthetic skin and scraps of red hair.

Frank: Wow, that's enough to turn a man to drink.......some more.


Ivan [Rushing forward]: STOP CRYING AND SHOOT, YOU MUDAK!!!!

Ivan sprints forward towards another RAY which moves forward, hurling two sticks of dynamite into the air. Ivan quickly grasps his M79 Grenade Launcher, following the dynamite with several rounds of grenades. The RAY convulses violently as the dynamite detonates, the grenades exploding on contact with the middle section of RAY and the force of the explosion bisecting the RAY, splitting it in half at the waist and causing it to fold inwards, crashing to the floor.

Ivan [Screaming]: LET'S KILL THESE ROBOTS!!!!!!!

Frank: That's what we're trying to do, Ivan.

Tim runs at a RAY, letting loose a stream of flames from his banjolele. Johnny throws a grenade through the air, which explodes as it hits the RAY's cockpit and falls to its legs, detonating and blowing the legs away into shards of metal. The RAY falls onto its back and Tim climbs onto the RAY, spraying fire down into the cockpit and cackling loudly as the stream of white-hot flames chars circuits and wires, causing it to flail lifelessly before stopping. Tim turns to the left, watching as a RAY advances on him, only for Raiden to fire off a Stinger missile. It hits the left arm of RAY and he fires a second shot, colliding with the midsection of the RAY. As it stumbles to the side, Raiden fires a third rocket, blowing a hole straight into the neck of the robot, causing its head to collapse to the floor with a crash. The RAY stumbles around and Tim hops off of the fallen RAY, sprinting away as the second RAY collapses down onto its fallen compatriot.

Sal: Damn, the new guys really are cutting their teeth!

Karab rushes forward, leaping onto the leg of an oncoming RAY and scaling it up, using his kirpan to stab repeatedly at the RAY. The RAY jutters violently, stomping around as Brick throws a wrench through the air. The wrench slices through into the neck of the RAY as Karab scales the RAY, moving to the middle of it and grasping onto the wrench, stabbing violently into the open gash within the RAY and cutting at wires, letting go and dropping to the floor as the RAY spins around, collapsing and crumbling to the floor.

Karab [Screaming]: AAYO GURKHALI!!!!!!!

Three more RAY's, from the edge of Arsenal, begin stomping forward.


The central RAY charges forward, as does Eligio, snapping his whip and running to the left. The whip wraps around the legs of RAY as Eligio runs behind it. Marcos stomps forward, placing his hands against the RAY and pushing it over as Eligio rolls out of the way. Marcos and Johan climb onto the body of the RAY, delivering several thunderous blows down into the cockpit as the left-hand RAY approaches, only for Steve to fire off another rocket as Ivan throws more lit sticks of dynamite. The RAY is engulfed in various explosions, leaving nothing more than shards of charred metal in its wake. The right-hand RAY marches forward but Karab hurtles forward, leaping up and screaming wildly, swiping his kukri repeatedly at the left leg. The RAY lifts his leg and both Phil and Jericho charge forward, firing their weapons at the RAY which hops backwards. Raiden fires his Stinger missile launcher, aiming at the right leg of the RAY and destroying it in a plume of orange flames and smoke. The RAY collapses onto its back, allowing Karab to climb onto it and begin swiping his kukri down at the RAY's head. Phil and Jericho hoist themselves onto the fallen RAY, uneasily jogging up the body and to the head, firing down into the slashes Karab has caused and destroying the internal controlling components of RAY.


Jericho [Raising his Browning Pistols]: .....YEAH! MAYO FOR KHALI!!!

Before they can begin celebrating, the impending forms of five more RAY prototypes walk forth from the edge of Arsenal.


Maurice growls loudly, stomping forth and glaring up at the five RAY's as they begin to approach.

Maurice [Pounding his chest]: IT'S TIME TO DIE, YEH BASTARDS!!!!!!!

Dean: Aw shit, here we go!

Phil, Karab and Jericho scuttle backwards as Maurice stomps forward. One RAY charges forward, aiming its left arm forward and spraying several bullets across the mercenaries. The mercenaries and Raiden throw themselves to the floor, watching as Maurice hurtles forward and locks his pudgy arms around the right leg of the RAY, twisting to the right and dragging the RAY with him, using his inhuman strength to lift the RAY off of its feet and straight into a second RAY, both machines crashing to the ground. A RAY rushes towards Maurice, it's cockpit opening and indicating it is about to unleash its hydrocutter, but Maurice girds his legs and somehow manages to leap several feet into the air, landing on the RAY's cockpit with his arms locked around the head.


Maurice reaches into the open cockpit of the RAY, ripping and tearing at various exposed cables, components, wires and control panels, tearing out chunks of metal with his bare hands and throwing them nonchalantly over his shoulders. A RAY approaches him from behind and Maurice twists around as the RAY lifts its left arm. Maurice leaps forward and onto the arm as it opens fire, sending several powerful bullets into the open cockpit of the other RAY and destroying several vital components, causing it to spin around and collapse lifelessly to the floor. Maurice runs up to the shoulder of the RAY, twists around and grasps the arm with both of his hands.

Maurice [Straining]: YEH...GONNA BE.............ARMLESS!!!!!

Maurice pulls forward and rips the arm straight off of the RAY, spinning around one hundred and eighty degrees and smashing the sleek, disembodied arm straight into the head of the RAY, causing the neck to split slightly and several wires to disconnect, sending it crashing to the floor. Maurice leaps backwards, landing on the floor and watching as the final RAY charges at him. Maurice simply grasps the right leg of the RAY and begins scaling up it as it twitches and spins, trying to shake off this powerful mercenary.

Will [Laughing in disbelief]: That fatass motherfucker...Where does he get the strength?!

Phil: Who cares? He's getting a kebab when we get home!

Maurice climbs up onto the top of the head of the final RAY, ripping off several metal panels and exposing the internal wiring. Maurice reaches into the RAY's head, ripping away various wires from the internal control panel. The RAY's limbs twitch violently as Maurice leaps down, holding a bundle of wires in both hands. Behind him, the RAY topples backwards, hitting the floor with a deafening crash before setting alight, flames bursting from the open parts of the chassis before consuming the robot.

Billy: And that's a fatality.

Maurice dusts off his hands, breathing heavily and nodding. Jericho quickly points behind Maurice.

Jericho: We're STILL fucked!

Maurice twists around: From the edge of Arsenal, four more RAY units stomp forward, roaring as they do. Maurice falls to his knees, looking to the heavens.


Fabien [Desperately]: HOW MANY OF ZESE BEASTS ARE ZERE?!??!

Solidus: I expected a little more fight than that.

The mercenaries look around for the source of the noise. One RAY approaches Maurice, raising its foot high above him before stomping downwards. Maurice quickly catches the foot with inhuman strength, getting to his feet and pushing upwards as he does, pushing the RAY straight over and onto its back.

Maurice [Laughing]: YEH CANNAE STOP ME!

Solidus: But I can render your mission unsuccessful.

A RAY stomps over to Raiden, raising its foot high above him.

Frank: You bastard!

From out of absolutely nowhere, Olga leaps down and stands over Raiden. The RAY hesitates somewhat, the foot trembling before moving back as the machine stands tall once again.

Solidus: So, you've decided to show yourself..

Raiden: Olga...don't do this...they'll know--

Sal: I think they already know, genius.

Olga: I'll hold them off, give you time to get away.

Raiden: What about you? This is suicide!

Olga: Your nanomachines are transmitting your vital signs to the Patriots. If you die, my child dies, do you understand?

Raiden: Well, that seems utterly pointless, but--

Solidus: I see, so that's why you sold your troops out to me. So many dead, and they all died trusting you! Weren't those soldiers of yours your comrades?

Olga grasps her pistol at her waist, raising it and looking around for the source of the voice.

Olga: They weren't just comrades, but family!

Solidus simply laughs cruelly.

Olga: I know i'm going to hell, but at least my child--

Solidus: I applaud your attitude. If you have a death wish...

Solidus, from out of goddamn nowhere much like Olga, shoots across the floor, leaving a stream of flames in his wake as he suddenly appears before all of them, P90 in hand.

Solidus: ....I'll be happy to accomodate you. SEE YOU IN HELL!!

Olga sweeps her gun up but Fabien charges forward, clotheslining Solidus directly to the floor. Solidus rolls backwards, getting to his feet.

Frank: Go. Both of you. We'll take care of this cumguzzling shitbag.

Olga hesitates, lowering her gun slightly as Solidus glares at them. Fabien rejoins the group and Robbie walks around, standing in front of Olga and Raiden. Solidus point his P90 at Robbie, but Dave limps beside him while Maurice also walks over, standing in front of Olga with his arms folded.

Solidus [Angrily]: I always knew I should've killed you idiots!

Tenpenny: Well, you didn't, and now the bell tolls for thee, chap!

Solidus [Stepping forward]: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE UNDER MY COMMAND!!

Frank: We're under the command of Ocelot. We're not with you.


Frank: Sons of Liberty? We're the Sons of Idiocy.

Bob: He's right, we don't have a clue.

Ivan: But ve vill kill you!

Fabien: BURY YOU!

Johan [Angrily]: CRUSH YOU!

Jericho [Pointing at Solidus]: Fucking annihilate you!

Maurice [Flexing]: POUND YEH!!!!

Frank: We're fuckin' mean.

Tim: And angry.

Phil [Strumming his Banjolele]: Who can turn innocent things into weapons of death.

Tavi: And we bite.

Jericho [Holding out his arms and stepping forward]: So come on, make our fucking day! WE'RE PROTECTING RAIDEN WITH OUR LIVES!

Solidus: Alright.

Frank: ....Ah.


Frank rushes forward but one of Solidus's tentacles is swung upwards, slamming up under his chin and causing him to backflip, landing on his stomach.

Jericho: Goddammit.

Jericho rushes forward, skidding to a halt as Solidus turns to him. Ivan rushes forward beside Jericho before Will rushes forward, quickly holding out his hands as Solidus turns to him.



A tentacle slaps Tenpenny roughly around the head, sending him rolling across the floor. Jeeves sighs, watching as the tentacle slams over his head, causing him to hit the floor, unconscious.

Jericho: We're fucked now.

Robbie walks forward, firing his Luger repeatedly at Solidus.

Robbie [Angrily]: DIE, UNTERMENSCH! DIE!

Solidus simply slams his tentacle under Robbie's chin, causing him to backflip and hit the floor. Dave charges forward and jumps towards Solidus who hits a quick right jab to the chin of Dave, sending him directly to the floor. Jericho leaps forward, only for the left tentacle to lock around his throat, and the right tentacle shoots out, grasping Will and lifting both men up.

Solidus: This is far too easy.

Will [Choking]: I'M TOO SEXY TO DIE!!!

Solidus slams Jericho and Will together repeatedly. Brick rushes forward, only for Solidus to slam his left leg and kick him in the crotch. Brick cries out, collapsing to the floor.


Billy raises his sniper rifle. Solidus throws Jericho and Will at him, sending all three men rolling across the floor. Karab charges forward, leaping down with his kukri. The kukri slices down into the left shoulder of Solidus but leaves nothing but a deep scratch in the bulky exoskeleton. Solidus backhands Karab, knocking him backwards and to the floor, turning to Samuel who is pointing his AKS directly at his head. Samuel fires repeatedly but the collar of the suit shuts, protecting the face of Solidus. Both tentacles shoot forward, hitting Samuel in the chest and knocking him backwards onto Billy, Jericho and Will.

Solidus: I admire your stubbornness, but it is futile!

Bill leaps onto the back of Solidus, raking his hands against his face. Johnny rushes forward, punching Solidus in the face but actually hitting the hands of Bill.

Bill [Angrily: WATCH IT!

Solidus reaches over his back, grasping Bill and throwing him over his shoulder, slamming him down into Johnny and sending both men to the floor. Tavi leaps through the air, grasping the head of Solidus and lifting his eyepatch. Solidus pushes her off and she lands on her feet, grasping for a syringe. The left tentacle of Solidus shoots forward, grasping her right leg and yanking her off of her feet, holding her upside down.

Tavi [Eyes widening]: Oh shit, i've seen enough hentai to know where this is going!!

Tavi grasps her vest, keeping it from falling down as Tim rushes forward, aiming down his banjolele. A burst of flame is fired forth, but Solidus slams his right tentacle up between his legs. Tim squeals, grasping his groin and collapsing backwards to the floor. Tavi simply hangs there as Sal walks forward, dusting off his fatigues.


Solidus walks forward and delivers another violent kick up into the groin of Sal. Sal's eyes widen and he whimpers, collapsing backwards like a felled tree. Tavi sighs, folding her arms and watching as Bob walks forward, aiming down his AKS, only for Solidus to raise his right tentacle and slam it over his head, knocking him out.

Tavi: Can someone PLEASE help me?

Phil rushes forward, firing his Banjolele at Solidus. Solidus steps back, only for his free tentacle to grasp around Phil's left leg and hoist him upside down into the air.

Phil: Awwww shit.

Tavi [Sighing]: Well, at least you tried.

Phil quickly aims his Banjolele down at Solidus's head, but the tentacle throws him away. Phil quickly strums a string, firing a shell at the tentacle which holds Tavi, before hitting the ground with a sickening crash. Tavi drops to the floor and quickly rushes forward, kicking Solidus in the groin. A metallic clang sounds out and Solidus stands there, unphased.

Tavi [In disbelief]: Even your dick is in the exoskeleton?

Solidus: Like I was going to leave an obvious weak spot!

Solidus's left tentacle flicks up, smashing beneath Tavi's chin and causing her to backflip and hit the ground, unconscious. Steve leaps onto the back of Fabien, as does Vince.

Steve [Straining]: FUCK OFF, VINCE!


Ivan quickly steps forward, clutching two grenades and giving a bright grin.

Steve [Eyes widening]: Uh, Ivan? We're here!

Ivan: Needs of the many, Steve.

Two tentacles shoot up, hitting Ivan in the face and sending him flying backwards, rolling across the floor. Fabien quickly sprints forward, managing to punch Solidus roughly in the face. Solidus reels backwards and Ivan charges forward, screaming. Solidus presses his foot against Ivan's abdomen, kicking him away before slamming his left leg upwards, kicking Ivan in the side of the head and sending him collapsing straight to the floor. Solidus reaches behind him, grasping Steve and Vince and throwing both men violently onto the floor. Dean quickly rushes forward, wielding his pistol as Marcos leaps onto the back of Solidus, gripping a knife in one hand with the other hand around Solidus's neck.

Dean [Angrily]: GO FOR THE FACE!

Marcos: I'M TRYING!!!

The tentacles wrap around Marcos, lifting him high into the air and throwing him forward. The bulky form of Marcos crashes into Dean, both of them rolling across the floor. Solidus walks forward and leans down, grabbing Frank's head with his hands, lifting him off of the floor.

Frank: Uh.........Fuck.

Solidus throws Frank forward, sending him onto both Marcos and Dean. They fall backwards as Fabien gets to his feet and grasps the ears of Solidus, twisting them and leaning in, going to bite his nose. Solidus headbutts Fabien and he reels backwards before two of the tentacles wrap around Fabien's legs and hoist him into the air. Moe leaps onto the back of Solidus but he simply leans behind him, prying him off and throwing him into Marcos, Dean and Frank, sending all four of them to the floor.


Fabien [Screaming]: MAKE WAY FOR ME!!!

Fabien is thrown through the air, sending him, Marcos, Dean, Frank and Moe straight to the floor. Maurice rushes forward, punching Solidus violently. Solidus grips Maurice's head with his hands, headbutting him roughly. Maurice simply stands there, unphased.

Maurice: Fuck yeh.

Maurice slams his head forward repeatedly, headbutting Solidus several times. Solidus reels backwards and Maurice charges forwards, but all of Solidus's tentacles shoot out, pushing Maurice away and sending him skidding to the floor under his own momentum. Johan locks his arms around Solidus's arms, straining as he lifts him up off of the ground.

Johan [Angrily]: I'LL SNAP YOUR NECK!!!

Eligio quickly rushes forward, snapping his whip at Solidus. The whip strikes his face and he responds with a tentacle streaming forward, hitting Eligio in the chest and sending him backwards into the pile of mercenaries. The tentacles reach behind Solidus, locking around Johan and lifting him up, throwing him onto Eligio, Fabien, Marcos, Dean, Frank and Moe.

Solidus [Laughing]: GET UP, COWARDS!!

The mercenaries have now, essentially, all been incapacitated, with only Tenpenny crawling towards Solidus. Solidus twists around and kicks Tenpenny violently under the chin, knocking him out instantly.

Marcos [Lifting his head slightly]: embarrassing......

Olga: Can't you idiots do anything right?!

Solidus turns to Olga, one of his tentacles shooting towards her and grasping around her neck.


Solidus raises his P90 at her and pulls the trigger. Olga's brains are blown out unceremoniously. Her head snaps back and her eyes roll backwards into her head before Solidus tosses her to the ground, her lifeless body rolling across the ground before simply laying in a crumpled heap.

Sal [Quietly, looking up at Solidus]: Uh, if you're going to do that with us, just remember that i'm the rich one.

Raiden: Olga!!

Solidus: Enjoy the show, Jack? Let's pick up where we left off.

Raiden: I'd rather not.

Solidus waves his hand at the RAY's, motioning towards Raiden. The RAY's step forward but stop as suddenly as they started, shaking violently as their 'eyes' turn an ominous shade of red. As they do, the head of every RAY suddenly snaps towards Solidus.

Solidus: Oh....fudge.



Solidus: What's going on?

Jeeves [Tiredly]: ....I think the RAY's...see you as the enemy.....

Ocelot's Voice: Uh, boss, GW is out of control.

Solidus: Well, that's inconvenient.


Brick: An abnormal whatnow?

Steve: The AI has been horrendously afflicted by the virus and is out of control.


Jon: Or nanomachines--

Billy: Not everything can be blamed on nanomachines, lad.

The RAY's begin to advance further on Solidus, who turns his head to the mercenaries.

Solidus: Give me a few seconds.

Solidus tenses his muscles violently and the exoskeleton activates, his muscles enlarging and the suit tightening around his body. Solidus shoots forward, leaving a stream of flames behind him as he does.



A RAY advances on Solidus, opening its cockpit, but Solidus leaps into the air, flying backwards and firing his P90 repeatedly. The bullets barrel into the cockpit and into the internal mechanisms of the RAY, causing several small explosions and plumes of smoke to roll into the air as the RAY slowly collapses forward. Solidus twists to a second RAY, jolting left and right as it fires several bullets at him. Solidus leaps up, leaving a burst of flames from his boots as he lands on top of the RAY and fires his P90 down into the top of the head, firing down and causing several small explosions to occur as internal mechanisms are destroyed. The RAY slowly leans forward, destroyed, as the third RAY approaches to the left of Solidus, who simply raises his P90 without even looking, firing off several rounds into the open cockpit, destroying it and causing the RAY to collapse forwards. Solidus stops, looking around and letting out a deep breath.

Solidus [Angrily]: DAMN THE PATRIOTS!!

Solidus leaps off of the RAY, walking towards Raiden who is trying to crawl away on his stomach. Solidus wrenches Raiden straight off his feet and into the air, pointing his P90 up at him.

Solidus: I could shoot him and then kill the rest of you.

Sal: So, what are you waiting for?

Solidus: Well, you still have some use.

Fortune's Voice: We have Snake and the mercenary captain.

Snake and Lynch stumble forward, arms behind them in handcuffs as Fortune walks in behind them, hands on her railgun as they simply stand there. Lynch sighs, looking across his fallen men.

Lynch [Quietly]: Dammit Frank...

Sal: Fuck, did you really have to cuff him?

Brick: Police brutality!

Snake [Quietly]: This was pretty fucking unexpected.

Lynch: Yeah.

Vince: Such hero. Much rescue. Such wow.

Lynch [Coldly]: Shut the fuck up.

Moe: The only Doge's we like are leaders of the Republic of Venice.

The mercenaries slowly turn their heads and look at Moe.

Moe [Folding his arms]: I read, you retards!

Solidus squeezes the tentacle, temporarily cutting off the air flow for Raiden and knocking him out. Solidus throws Raiden forward, sending him rolling across the floor, unconscious.


Atop Arsenal Gear, Raiden slowly opens his eyes: For the small while he was unconscious, the mercenaries are standing several feet behind him, with only Lynch handcuffed and kneeling beside Snake. Ocelot, Solidus and Fortune are standing in front of an inactive but intact RAY unit, talking amongst themselves.

Ocelot: Lynch still has use.

Solidus [Angrily]: He betrayed us! He helped Snake, he helped Jack, he killed the Tengu's and his entire unit has compromised this mission!

Sal: Plead the fifth!

Raiden hears the sound of a slap, turning his head and watching as Sal hits the floor with Bill standing over him, with Billy kicking him roughly in the abdomen.

Billy: Shut up!

Solidus looks up at the mercenaries, then turns his head to Raiden.

Solidus: Awake yet, Jack?

Raiden grunts. Solidus slowly walks forward.

Solidus: GW, the Arsenal AI, is corrupted beyond repair...I admit I underestimated you...

Raiden grunts again.

Lynch: Can you loosen these fucking cuffs?

Ocelot steps towards Lynch but Solidus shakes his head. Ocelot steps towards Lynch, looking at him and giving a small nod, winking.

Solidus: I'll squeeze the answers out of you instead, my son.

The twin tentacles of Solidus shoot out and grasp Raiden around his throat, strangling him violently. Raiden wheezes and chokes as Solidus hauls him off of the ground, but he is swiftly dropped as Solidus stands over him. Fortune steps forward.

Fortune: What do you hope to hear? You know he doesn't know anything.

Solidus: It's not him that I want the answers from.

Fortune: What do you mean?

Solidus: That's none of your business.

Fortune [Taken aback]: Oh, really? It just so happens that I have some business of my own to attend to.

Fortune simply turns around and begins to walk away.

Solidus: Planning to hijack Arsenal?

Fortune stops suddenly.

Solidus: You were going to screw me over, weren't you?

Fortune: ...Who talked? Ocelot?

Sal: Wait, she was? Damn, girl, you don't just admit it to the gun-wielding psychopath!

Solidus: Not exactly. I was the one who used Ocelot to suggest the idea to you in the first place.

Fortune slowly turns to face Solidus who turns and faces her,

Fortune [Shocked]: What?!

Solidus: I was planning to give you Arsenal to begin with.

Fortune [Suspicious]: .....Why the uncharacteristic generosity?

Maurice: I think he likes yeh--

Solidus: No. I'm not a philanthropist either. Arsenal is far from impregnable. It needs other Metal Gears as guards, a huge payload of warheads, and full air, sea, and land support to function efficiently. Against a large attack force without support, Arsenal is nothing more than a gigantic coffin. Seizing Arsenal Gear was never the real objective!

Fortune: What was your objective then?

Solidus: A list of names......of the Patriots!

Lynch: You have a worse one-track mind than Jon!

Jon: Hey! Nanomachines are evil!

Solidus: They were planning to extend their control to digital information flow with GW and Arsenal. That means the information they want to filter out is contained in GW. Including that list of the highest twelve members of the Patriots' Wisemen's Committee.

Fortune: And once you knew who they were, you would cross out their name one by one... while we, with the useless Arsenal, drew their fire.

Solidus: Very good.

Fortune [Darkly]: You were using us all along.

Phil: We're used to that.

Solidus: Were you any different?

Fortune: But your plan's hit a snag with GW destroyed, hasn't it?

Solidus: No, there is another way.

Ocelot walks over to Lynch, kneeling behind him.

Fortune: Really? But we have our own plans to carry out. We'll take Arsenal since you don't care for it anyway. The purified hydrogen bomb is ready to go.

Solidus: A nuclear strike won't stop them.

Jon: Nanomachines wi--

Brick: Oh, will you shut up?!

Fortune: Maybe not, but it will damage their power source: The mindless masses that they control. First things first.

Solidus: Of course -- that was what you wanted. I won't stop you. Good luck.

Fortune: Thanks, but I have quite enough of that.

Fortune turns away and begins to walk away, but stops as Ocelot laughs. Lynch's handcuffs fall to the floor with a clatter as he gets to his feet, standing beside Ocelot. Fortune turns around, eyebrows furrowing angrily.

Solidus [Taken aback]: Ocelot, what are you--

Fortune [Angrily]: What exactly do you find so funny?

Ocelot: Charades usually are humorous. I wouldn't have minded watching some more of it.....but we're running a little short on time, sadly.

Solidus: What are you talking about?

Lynch holds his hand out to Frank who grasps his SOCOM and throws it over to Lynch who swiftly catches it, turning off the safety.

Ocelot: Everything you've done here has been scripted, a little exercise set up by us.

Solidus: Exercise!?

Phil [Quietly, aside to Frank]: Wait, were we always a part of this?

Frank [Quietly]: I don't know. What do we do?

Eligio [Quietly]: I think we smile and wave.

Dean [Quietly]: Do we have any other choice? Aside from smiling and waving. Let's just act like we know what he's talking about.

Karab [Quietly]: Why?

Dean [Quietly, impatiently]: Because we won't get shot if we do!

The mercenaries nod amongst themselves, some of them adopting confident smirks. Raiden looks around, somewhat taken aback by the sudden looks of confidence on the faces of the mercenaries. Even Fortune turns to them, frowning and showing that, if nothing else, the mercenaries have mastered the art of the shit-eating grin.

Ocelot: The S-Three Plan was conceived as a means to produce soldiers on par with Solid Snake. That's what I told you. But the VR training the boy was put through is not the meat of the project. You think this terrorist incident is your own doing, Solidus? THIS is the S-Three training kernel, an orchestrated recreation of Shadow Moses!

Solidus: What?!

Ocelot: Ames and the President's deaths, the computer virus that mimics FOXDIE. Did you really think they were all a coincidence? Ames' own nanomachines were used to shut down his pacemaker. I arranged for the appearance of the Ninja as well. As for the President, although Johnson realized what was going on, he played out his allotted part. As for the computer virus, it's a digital counterpart of FOXDIE. It was also designed to eliminate every scrap of information regarding the Patriots from GW. This all means that your plan was invalidated even before execution, Solidus. Fatman was a different story. He's one of our own people, a sort of examiner we hired to test the boy's progress before letting him tackle the exercise proper. We had to arrange for Stillman's presence to coax the maniac into agreeing. If the boy had allowed the Big Shell to be destroyed, this exercise would have ended there. The project has no room for failures.

Solidus [Shocked]: What do you mean?!

Ocelot: You really are dense, aren't you? Given the right situation, the right story, anyone can be shaped into Snake. Even rookies can fight like men of experience. An instant creation of genius, and this training kernel will provide more than enough data to formulate such a program. You, Dead Cell, Olga--You're all nothing but pawns placed to create the perfect simulation. Even my mercenaries and their actions have leant themselves to the simulation, all for an orchestrated recreation of Shadow Moses!

Solidus, you and the boy were selected because your relationship resembles the one between Snake and Big Boss. Fortune, you and the rest of Dead Cell stand in for the FOXHOUND squad that Snake took on in Shadow Moses. You're the most impressive collection of freaks outside of FOXHOUND. We've gone to a lot of trouble to set you up against the boy. That story about purified hydrogen bombs is just the tip of the iceberg. The project was already underway when I sunk that tanker along with your old man two years ago. Throwing your husband in the brig was a part of it too. You were told that the eradication of Dead Cell six months ago was an act of the Patriots. We provoked and encouraged your hatred, and you opted for vengeance, just as we planned.

Fortune: All orchestrated?

Ocelot: Except for the appearance of the real Solid Snake......I wonder...who sent for you?

Fortune swiftly lifts her rail gun.

Fortune [Angrily]: All of our misfortune was....JUST PART OF THEIR PROJECT??!!?

Lynch: Uh, Ocelot--

Ocelot quickly draws his revolver and fires at Fortune. The bullet strikes her roughly in her left chest, leaving a gaping wound. Fortune reels slightly, her eyes widening as she looks down at the wound.

Fortune: ...H...How...How could--

Frank: That was some nice shooting, Tex.

Ocelot: Thanks.

Phil: Y'know, I'm glad we're on this guys side.

Sal: But how...

Ocelot: Oh, she's no Lady Luck. It was all staged by the Patriots.

Lynch [Rolling his eyes]: Of course.

Ocelot: You were being shielded by the electromagnetic weapons technology that the Patriots developed. Your Dead Cell comrades loved your father and husband -- we needed a pathetic wretch like you to keep them focused. You've been our puppet all along, just like Olga. You were hamming it up as the tragic heroine thanks to the script that the Patriots wrote for you. Pure self-indulgence -- you couldn't get enough of the drama.

Fortune: ...I could have died whenever I wanted to..

Fortune slowly stands up straight, readying her railgun once again.

Ocelot: Hm. Thought I got her in the heart.

Moe: Uh, chief? Nobody talks for two minutes after being shot in the heart.

Ocelot: Good point! Ah well, I guess---DUCK!

The mercenaries throw themselves to the ground as a blast from the railgun slices past them. It simply deflects around a field which is surrounding Ocelot.

Ocelot: Ah, her hearts on the right.

Fortune fires off yet another shot with the same results: Deflected by a forcefield around Ocelot. Ocelot pushes aside his coat slightly and taps a small, metal box clipped to his belt.

Ocelot: This is the little gizmo. There is no such thing as miracles or the supernatural, only cutting-edge technology.

Dean: That ain't true.

Samuel: Yeah, we can--

Ocelot: Shut up.

Dean [Whimpering]: Sorry.

Solidus swings his P90 upwards and fires off an entire clip at Ocelot. Lynch swiftly rolls to the left, still on the ground, as every round simply arcs and sweeps around and over a small area around Ocelot. Ocelot simply stands there, mockingly checking his fingernails.

Fortune [Angrily]: YOU BASTARD!

Fortune coughs up a small amount of blood before falling to her knees and crumpling to the ground. Ocelot climbs up onto the cockpit of the RAY, turning and watching as Solidus fires several missiles somehow from his tentacle arms, which simply swoop around Ocelot and miss him completely.

Samuel: I'm glad he hasn't realised that we're completely vulnerable.

Karab: Yeah, that could be quite painful for us.

Ocelot laughs and leaps into the cockpit of RAY.

Ocelot: Now that I have enough data, all I have to do is retrieve Arsenal and clean up the refuse from the exercise!

Solidus: Just try!

Lynch: Uh, is that us?

Ocelot: No, but I would highly recommend you find a way off of here.

Lynch looks around, shrugging.

Frank [Bluntly]: I guess we're fucked, then.

Solidus pulls out two swords, apparently deciding that the best way to take on RAY is not to use his gun but to challenge it to a choreographed swordfight instead. RAY simply fires off a stream of bullets but Solidus swings his swords, somehow deflecting them. This amazing display of physics-defying awesomeness is amplified by one of the bullets striking Snake's handcuffs without hurting him, causing the chain to break. The missile holders on RAY ready themselves. Solidus's face falls as he realises he can't fight missiles with swords.

Snake: Damn!

Fortune stumbles to her feet, in front of Solidus and the mercenaries, holding her arms towards RAY.

Raiden: Fortune!

Solidus: You idiot! Get the hell away from there!

Ocelot: I told you: Your luck's run out! Take your reward: It's all the payload RAY has. NOW DIE!!!!!!

RAY fires its entire payload into the sky.

Lynch [Angrily]: OCELOT, YOU CUNT!!

The missiles begin streaming down towards everyone atop of Arsenal Gear. The mercenaries and Snake throw themselves to the ground but, somehow, the missiles stream straight over their heads, somehow deflected by Fortune.

Ocelot [Dumbfounded]: What the--IMPOSSIBLE!!

Several more missiles are fired but these, too, are somehow deflected by Fortune who simply stands there as everyone gets to their feet, staring at Fortune.

Sal: What the--

Jon: Nano--

Johan: Luck.

Jon: Nanoluck?

Snake: Holy shit, she really IS Lady Luck!

Fortune: My Helena Dolph Jackson. The daughter of a proud and noble soldier...

Lynch wrinkles his nose irritably, pushing himself to his feet as Fortune stumbles forward.

Lynch: Ivan.

Ivan stands up, holding a frag grenade.

Ivan: Vay ahead of you, boss.

Ivan rolls the grenade across the ground to Fortune's feet. Fortune looks down and the grenade explodes. As easy as that, Fortune is blown into several pieces, spraying blood and gore across the ground. Thus ends the tale of Helena Dolph Jackson, who wasn't lucky but was lucky..or supernatural or something.

Dave: Dude, Ivan just killed a boss. That makes him an Immortal or something.

Dean: He needs to take the head for that, doesn't he?


Snake: Why?! SHE SAVED US!!!!


Frank: We all have.

The front of RAY slides open.

Ocelot: Lynch, since you've survived...well, fuck it, get your men and follow me. We're going to destroy the Patriots.

Lynch: Way ahead of you, chief!

Ocelot: As for you, Snakes: TRY THIS INSTEAD!!!!

Ocelot goes to press a button, but his arm conveniently begins to start shaking and twitching. Ocelot grasps the arm, groaning loudly.

Ocelot [Angrily]: NO! NO! NO! NOT NOW!!

Ocelot swiftly storms up to his feet, now suddenly speaking in a thick English accent, indicating that Liquid has taken over his body and changed his voice spontaneously.

Liquid: BROTHERS!!

Lynch: Oh, fuck you.

Snake: Liquid. This is....fuck it, this is stupid.


Solidus: It can't be......?


Lynch: Uh, we're going to need paying now.

Liquid/Ocelot: Oh yes, you mercenaries who betrayed me.

Frank: Hey, it wasn't personal! It was just for money!

Liquid/Ocelot: Well, lucky for you, Ocelot has designated payment for you! Since you kept him alive, you kept me alive, which means.......fuck it, take the money and piss off.

Liquid points behind them: From the hatch to the circular room, a pile of money in burlap sacks has suddenly appeared, quaintly marked with a dollar sign to indicate that, yes, this is money.

Snake: ....You were inside Ocelot?

Samuel: This is ludicrous.

Liquid/Ocelot: Yes, a sleeper in the arm of the Patriots' spy!


Eligio: And why aren't we being paid by all of them?!

Snake: So, it was you two years ago?

Liquid/Ocelot: Exactly! I was controlling him! Snake, it was I that leaked out information about Arsenal to your partner and got you out here! You're the only one that can free me after all......AND NOW I'M ALIVE AND OFF TO BURY THE PATRIOTS FOR GOOD!

Solidus: You know where they are? HOW?!

Bill: He DID say that he was a spy for the Patriots.


Liquid/Ocelot: But before I go, I have a family matter to settle with both of you! There's room for only one Snake and one Big Boss!!

Solidus, for some reason forgetting about Liquid/Ocelot's device, fires several missiles towards RAY. Once again, the missiles are simply swept around Liquid/Ocelot thanks to the forcefield. Liquid hops back into his seat and slams his fist down onto a button.


Fabien: Merde!

RAY twists around, moving to the edge of Arsenal. Snake sprints towards RAY.


Liquid/Ocelot: You coming, Snake?!


RAY leaps off of the large fortress, leaving a huge splash which indicates it is above a body of water. Snake sprints to the edge and dives in, leaving nothing but the mercenaries, Solidus and Raiden. Solidus turns to the mercenaries: Moe raises his Desert Eagle and both Jon and Jericho raise their AKS assault rifles.

Jon: Don't even think about it.

Solidus swiftly sweeps up his P90 but Lynch moves behind him, pressing the barrel of his SOCOM to the back of Solidus's skull.

Lynch: If you move, your aspirations are blown onto the floor along with your fucking brains.

Solidus growls angrily, lowering his P90.

Lynch: Grab the money, guys, we're leaving!

Johan and Marcos haul up several of the bags in their arms. The mercenaries rush over, swinging their quaint burlap sacks over their shoulders.

Raiden [Looking over]: Lynch, were you here to help--

Lynch: Sorry, Raiden, this mercenary game is awfully convoluted business. And now you're asking questions. MAURICE!!

Maurice walks over to Raiden who looks up at him.

Raiden: What now?

Maurice: Boom.

Raiden: Wha--

Maurice cups his fists together and slams them down into the top of Raiden's skull, sending him crumbling to the floor, unconscious.

Solidus [Angrily]: So, you're double agents for the Patriots!

Phil: Bloody hell, we're.....well, quadruple agents now, aren't we?

Frank: Well, we're working for the UN, but actually working for Ocelot who is working for the Patriots but are actually working with Snake's Philanthropy organisation to save Raiden and Snake and stop Metal Gear---I think?

Sal: No, we're not with Philanthropy!

Lynch: By association, though?

Dean: Aren't we--

Jon: Uh, guys? We're about to hit a city.

The mercenaries turn around, watching as Arsenal hurtles straight towards the skyline of Manhattan.

Solidus: Well, shit.

Fabien: HIT ZE DIRT!!!


Arsenal careens violently through Lower Manhattan, smashing through several buildings. The force of this causes Arsenal to shake violently as it begins ripping apart the island. The mercenaries, Solidus and Raiden are thrown off of Arsenal, falling through the sky as the scene cuts to black..

The finale has arrived. With Arsenal having torn through Manhattan, Ocelot's modus operandi being revealed and the mercenaries still without a clue of who they're double-crossing, the end has arrived for a final showdown between Raiden and Solidus atop of Federal Hall. With Snake off chasing RAY and Liquid/Ocelot, the mercenaries now have one goal: Make sure Raiden lives. And cuts up Solidus in the anime equivalent of a knife fight: A DUEL WITH KATANA'S!! Since they can't kill the Patriots, all they can do is stop Solidus from sending the world back into the Stone Age. Can Solidus be stopped? Can they transport the money home safely? How long will this chapter take? And how much more talking can there possibly be? Find out in the final chapter to the Sons of Idiocy Arc!

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