Metal Gear Mercenaries : The Blast In The Past - Chapter IV - The Bain Of The Pain

The scene opens in complete darkness. A small detachment of our mercenaries found themselves collapsing into a crevice, followed by nothingness. A dark void. The absence of light. Nothing cries out.

Except for several thuds of flesh on rock.

And a few whimpers. And a deafening crash.

Snake, and the mercenaries, find themselves in Chyornoya Peschera Cave Branch. Having just fought off Ocelot, they found themselves engulfed by swarms of hornets and were forced to dive into the chasm. Unfortunately, now they find themselves in a cold, dank cave, with nothing but eachother and the pungent scent of rotting moss to accompany them.

Frank [Groaning]: Sooooooooooooo…..

Lynch: Frank? That you?

Frank: Yup.

Lynch: Where?

Frank falls silent for a few moments. Lynch’s eyes strain, desperately trying to get used to the darkness.

Frank: Here.

Lynch feels a hand touch his forearm.

Lynch: I need some fucking vitamin C when we get back to base.

Frank: I know, it’s dark as shit.

Frank moves his hand away, taking a sidestep next to Lynch, who can now just about make out the scraggly beard and doe-like eyes of his second-in-command.

Lynch: Anyone else?

Phil’s Voice: I’m here.

Lynch Ah, you’re alive.

Phil: Thanks for sounding so glad.

Lynch: You’re alive, that’s all you need.

Phil: Well, all I need is--

Lynch: I swear to fuck if the next word out of your mouth is ‘love’, I will shove my hands into your eyes and rip your fucking skull apart.

Phil: You’re so kind, boss.

Lynch: I don’t tolerate stupidity, Nolastname. You should know that.

Phil: And no shit jokes?

Lynch: Especially not.

Phil: Makes sense.

Johnny: I’m here too, by the way. That was a nasty fall, eh?

Bill: Yeah…Same.

Lynch: Where’s the asset?

Snake: Here.

Phil: Lynch, where are you?

Snake: Where are WE?

Lynch: Caves.

Snake: …Can you be more specific?

Frank: Dark caves.

Phil stumbles into Lynch, who grasps his shoulders tightly and plants his feet firmly down.

Phil: There you are, boss!

Lynch: At ease, Nolastname.

Phil: I would be, but you’re gripping pretty hard.

A pair of footsteps echo throughout the cave, heading towards them.

Lynch: Who goes there?

Jon: Hullo.

Phil: Hey there, Jawnny.

Jon: It’s Jon to you, fucko.

Mustafa: Me too.

Lynch: Right, do we have any light?

Silence. Sound of uncomfortable ruffling.

Lynch [Sighing]: Right, let’s find a wall--

A soft thud echoes out to their left.

Jon: Ow.

Lynch: …Jon, stick to that wall. We’ll follow it. There’s bound to be a way out if we follow it.

Jon: What if it leads to a dead end?

Lynch: Then we turn around and go back.

Frank: What if we head back to a dead end?

Mustafa: I’ll break through it--

Lynch: Then I’ll fucking kill you all for food and survive until someone finds me. Now.. [Clasping a hand on Jon’s shoulder] Lead the way. Frank, grab my shoulder.

Frank clasps a hand on Lynch’s shoulder.

Lynch: Right, here’s how we’ll do this: Bill, grab Frank’s shoulder. Johnny, grab Bill’s shoulder. Phil, grab Johnny’s shoulder. Snake, grab Phil’s.

Bill grabs Frank’s shoulder, Johnny grabs Bill’s shoulder, Phil grabs Johnny’s shoulder, and Snake grabs Phil’s.

Lynch: Mustafa, bring up the rear.

Mustafa: Why?

Lynch: Because if anything makes the mistake of attacking you, you’ll crush their bones into powder.

Mustafa: Of course.

Mustafa clasps a hand on Snake’s left shoulder, almost making him buckle.

Phil: Lead the way.

Lynch: MUSH!

Jon: Fuck off.

Jon, nevertheless, leads the group forward..

***

Inch by inch, the group snakes through the cavern, scraping across the rough, gnarled rocky walls in a desperate attempt to escape. Small amounts of light highlight their features, just at the bare minimum to have a rough idea that they are least moving forward. As Jon curls around, following the wall slightly to the left in a more open area, he stops suddenly, forcing the group to halt. A foul gust of cold wind blows through the air, causing the mercenaries and Snake to shudder.

Jon [Quietly]: I sense a dark, forbidding presence in here.

Vince’s Voice: GUYS! IT’S ME!

Jon [Hysterically]: KILL IT! KILL IT!

Bill: I agree! Fuckin’ shoot it!

Jon forces himself away from the group and swings his arms around aimlessly, something which is followed by a resounding thud.

Lynch: Did you get him?

Jon [Quietly]: My nose!

Frank: Vince, what are you doing here?

Vince: I was patrolling and then I fell in. But the weird thing is that I fell in with Billy.

Lynch: Is he alive?

Vince: I haven’t heard from him in a couple of hours. I just heard footsteps walk away and never return. It’s what I imagine Jon’s father did.

Jon [Angrily]: Fuck you, my Dad’s back in the Middle East guarding a bar! OUR BAR!

Vince: And before that?

Jon [Darkly]: I will slit your throat and drink the blood.

Vince: Isn’t that how you flirted with your first wife?

Jon: No!!

Phil: Wait, you were married?!

Jon: Yes! I WAS! WAS being the key word here!

Frank: Hang on, you said first?

Jon: And?

Phil: Jon, how many times have you been married?

Jon: Gimme a break, it’s only been three times.

Bill [Incredulous]: THREE?!

Lynch: Jon, dude, you’ve got some game. It ain’t good, but it’s game.

The sound of more footsteps approaches them, stopping suddenly close to them. Looking to their right, they can make out the muscular form of Billy, standing before them and clutching an SVD sniper rifle. Billy quickly rushes forward, hugging Lynch.

Billy: Thank feck! This arsehole was getting on me nerves!

Vince: But we were team ravine!

Billy: SHUT UP!

Lynch [Patting Billy’s back]: Don’t worry, we’re here.

Billy [Pulling back]: It’s been real fuckin’ tedious, lemme tell yeh lads.

Vince: We had a D and D game going!

Billy [Angrily]: IT’S SHITE WI’ ONLY TWO OF US!!! AND YOU WERE ALWAYS A FECKIN’ BARD!!!

Lynch: Ladies, calm down…We just need to get going. Where next?

Billy: Oh aye, we’re moving?

Lynch: Yes, Billy. We have the asset. We’re moving.

Billy walks forward and directs the group, pointing them down the cave corridor and towards a large, open cave where sunlight is pouring in, illuminating a small lake with a makeshift rock island in the middle of it.

Billy: Fresh water. Ish.

Vince: I mean, it tastes nice. And we’ve got to bathe in it, too.

Phil: Lucky bastards.

Lynch: Just…lead the way out. I’ve had enough of this cave.

Billy: On me, then!

Billy leads the group forward..

***

…And stands in front of the pool, looking up at the large hole in the ceiling of the cave letting in the watery morning sunlight.

Bill: Pretty.

Lynch [Impatiently]: Where now?!

Billy: Oh, this is it. I have no idea what lies beyond.

Lynch: Did you not bother exploring?!

Billy [Laughing]: Fuck that shite!

Vince: I’ll do it!

Vince slowly trudges forward and into the daylight…revealing that he is completely clad in the ghillie suit that he originally stepped through the wormhole in. Somewhat worryingly, the suit appears to be now afflicted with patches of actual moss and mould.

Lynch: Why the fuck are you still wearing that?!

Vince: Supreme camouflage!

Jon [Angrily]: WE’RE NOT IN THE JUNGLE NOW! WE’RE IN CAVES, YOU FUCKING INBRED MAGGOT!!

Vince [Angrily]: IT’S FUCKING CAVE MOSS!!!

Jon [Angrily]: YOU LOOK LIKE FUCKING SWAMP THING!!! YOU’RE NOT FOOLING ANYBODY!!!

Vince turns around, blowing a raspberry and holding up two middle fingers before flopping back-first into the water. Jon angrily stomps forward, but Frank holds out an arm.

Frank: Chill. Let him find a way. Or drown.

Jon: We can but fucking hope.

Mustafa: I CAN take care of him for you, boss.

Lynch: You could, but the court martial is a ton of boring fucking paperwork.

Bill: You’ve got no witnesses!

From behind the mercenaries, more wet footsteps echo. They turn around, watching as Steve and Ivan approach the group.

Jericho: There you are, lads! What happened? We all fell at the same time!

Ivan: Vell, I have claustrophobia. BAD claustrophobia. So, we hit the floor and I van. Very fucking far.

Steve: I followed to make sure he was safe. Eventually, we found this tunnel which had light. He still ran.

Ivan: Then ve van into Billy and Vince!

Steve: And he kept running.

Ivan [Reaching around his back and revealing a sawn-off barrelled pump action shotgun]: But I vound zis.

Steve: A shotgun, just abandoned in the caves! Amazing, eh?

Ivan: Ithaca Virty-Seven. Sawn-off. Four rounds of death.

Johnny: And you..just found it in a cave?

Ivan: Da—I mean, yes.

Johnny: And it still fires?

Ivan points it at Johnny.

Ivan: I believe so.

Johnny: Be nice.

Ivan: This is me being nice.

Lynch: Ready for a boss fight?

Several hornets rapidly buzz in front of them. Above them, near the opening, a swarm of them violently buzzes around.

Frank: Because here it comes, apparently..

Johnny [Sighing]: Not again..

Vince suddenly stands up in front of them, climbing out of the water and shaking himself dry.

Lynch: You alright, Vince?

Vince: I’ll be honest, Lynch: No. No I am not.

Vince pulls his hood back, revealing his wildly-unkempt, bearded face, and points to a hornet stuck in the tip of his nose. Lynch reaches forward, grasping the hornet and prying it free of Vince’s nose before crushing it between his thumb and forefinger.

Jericho: Can’t say I want to fight a guy who controls hornets.

Lynch: Neither do I. I despise hornets.

Bill: Then why are we?

Lynch: Because if we stay here, nobody’s gonna kill The Pain. What? Do you think time will run out and he’ll just drop dead?

Vince: If the guy’s body is a hornet’s nest, like a literal nest, I can’t imagine he’d last too long.

Phil: I know, right? Surely the hornets must be just fucking shredding him!

Snake: I find it hard to believe he is an actual living hornet’s nest.

The huge swarm of hornets descends onto the makeshift island.

The Pain: I’VE CAUGHT YOU AT LAST!! WE ARE THE SONS OF THE BOSS!!

In practically a flash, the hulking form of the Pain, clad in his distinctive balaclava and yellow-black striped camouflage, stands tall.

Lynch: Oh, fuck YOU.

Phil [Looking to the sky, pointing]: So, what is it this time? Nanomachines? Drugs? Nanomachine drugs?

Snake: Who are you talking to?

Jericho: Hideo Kojima, and boy he has a lot of explaining to do.

The Pain: I AM THE PAIN!!!

The Pain does a backflip, followed by several karate kicks and sweeps as the mercenaries stand at the edge of the water, bewildered.

Jon: Why? Every time, why?

The Pain [Dramatically]: I will guide you to a world of anguish beyond your imagination!

The Pain backflips before extending his arms, the hornets forming makeshift gauntlets around his forearm.

Snake: He’s actually a living hornets nest.

Steve: That he is. Guys? Open fire.

Mustafa: Finally, somebody’s talkin’ sense!

Every mercenary raises their assault rifle. Mustafa raises his machinegun. Snake raises his pistol. They all fire a hail of bullets towards the Pain. A few hit him, but the rest bounce off with the sound of metal. When the smoke clears, the Pain is now surrounded entirely by the hornets.

Mustafa [Slowly lowering his machinegun]: Are you fucking kidding me? Did anybody hear those fucking deflection sounds?! Like we were hitting metal?!

Brick: Fella’s….this is some fucked up shit.

Jon: Right, fuck it.

Jon dives into the water, swimming forward and towards a large rock jutting out of the water, opposite the Pain’s makeshift island. Jon surfaces, pulling a grenade from his belt and pulling the pin, tossing it towards the Pain. It..doesn’t explode.

The Mercenaries [In unison]:  A DUD?!?!

Lynch dives into the water, swimming forward and climbing up next to Jon, priming and throwing his own grenade. That, too, doesn’t explode.

Lynch: Fucking fuck.

Snake dives into the water, climbing onto the rock between Lynch and Jon. Ivan, Phil, Jericho and Steve dive into the water themselves, surfacing and climbing onto a rock to the upper-right of the island the Pain is currently on, giving them two directions in which to attack. Mustafa, Johnny, Brick, Billy, Bill and Vince stand in the entranceway to the cave, ready to lay down suppressing fire if necessary.

Steve: Right, what’s the plan?

Phil: We have a plan?

Ivan: Boom. Zat’s the plan.

Ivan reaches into his demolition satchel, pulling out a stick of dynamite. Vince dives into the water, swimming forward and surfacing close to the island the Pain is standing on, climbing up onto it.

Vince: Ivan! I’ll be the distraction for his hornets!

Frank: Uh, Vince? You know what that means, right?

Vince [Saluting]: I’M GOING TO DO YOU ALL PROU---OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!

Vince screams, the hornets swarming him as he falls to the ground, rolling to the left and into the water. This at least allows the mercenaries to open fire and Ivan to lob a lit stick of dynamite at the Pain.

Brick [Calling out]: VINNIE!!! YOU OKAY?!?!?

Johnny: …Well, he DID do his job.

Billy fires off a sniper shot as the dynamite explodes, causing the Pain to reel backwards in pain.

The Pain: The Paaaaiiiinnn….THE PAAAAIIIIINNNNNN!!!

Billy: Aye, I should feckin’ hope it does!!!

The Pain rips off his mask, revealing that his entire face is disfigured by bulbous hornet stings.

Lynch [Wincing]: JESUS, PUT IT BACK ON!!

The Pain reels backwards, but spits out three hornets which make bizarre plane sounds as they fly around him.

Jon [In panic]: OH WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE THINGS?!

Phil [Pointing at the hornets, dramatically]: BULLET HORNETS! THEY’RE LIKE BULLET ANTS EXCEPT NOT FUCKING REAL!

The Pain’s bullet hornets zoom around the cave and several mercenaries dive into the water aside from Lynch, Phil, Jon and Jericho. Lynch reels backwards, hit by a hornet now embedded in his right pectoral.

Lynch [Pulling the hornet from his chest]: Y’know, Nolastname, it certainly feels real and that’s what matters.

Phil [Pointing between his eyes at the bullet hornet lodged into his skin]: Way ahead of ya, boss.

Lynch grabs the hornet from Phil’s face, pulling it out and crushing it in his right hand.

Brick [Surfacing and spitting out water]: Dadgummit, what we gon’ do?!

Jericho: Succumb to the pain?..........Metaphorically?

Lynch: Here’s my idea.

Lynch swiftly draws his M16, firing several rounds towards the Pain. The hornets shield simply deflects the bullets away.

Snake: That was the plan?

Lynch [Lowering his rifle]: Damn. Need more gun.

Ivan [Climbing onto the rock opposite them]: I have more gun.

Ivan, holding the shotgun at his waist, fires off all four rounds. The hornet shield holds steady for two rounds, but the third blows a clear hole into the organic shield, with the fourth just barely scraping The Pain. Ivan slowly nods to himself, moving the shotgun into his left hand.

Lynch: Well?!

Ivan: Vell…vhat?

Lynch: Reload! Shoot his ass!

Ivan [Tersely]: I vound it on ze cave floor, Lynch! It only came vith ze fucking ammo it has in it!!

Lynch [Throwing up his arms]: Yeah, no. No, I don’t know why I expected differently.

The Pain [Cackling]: IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE?!?!?

The Pain is suddenly hit in the face violently by the thrown shotgun, causing him to stumble backwards, clutching his head in pain.

The Pain [In pain]: THE PAIN!!! THE PAAAAIIIINNNN!!

Ivan [Narrowed eyes, nodding]: Da. The fucking pain.

The Pain stands up straight, angrily bulging his cheeks and spitting off more several bullet hornets, causing the mercenaries to dive to the floor and into the water. Except for Jon, who looks around before looking down at a hornet embedded into his left pectoral.

Jon: Y’know, that actually hurts.

A second bullet hornet lodges itself into Jon’s upper right pectoral. Jon looks down at it.

Jericho [Surfacing]: Bet you’re glad to have nanomachines now, eh?

Jon: Yes, quite so.

A third bullet hornet shoots forward, lodging itself into Jon’s collarbone. Jon looks up at The Pain angrily.

Jon [Angrily]: WILL YOU FUCKING STOP?! I GET THE FUCKING MESSAGE!!!

The Pain: NEVER!!

Jon [Angrily]: I’LL KICK YOUR ASS!!

Lynch: Jon, you’re not kicking anything, the hornets are just going to stop you.

Jon: THEN HOW DO WE KILL THIS GUY, HUH?!?!? FIRE?!?!?

The mercenaries fall silent.

Jericho: We did burn back the hornets using makeshift flamethrowers..

Phil: But we ran out of fuel!

Jon: Well, we’re fucked then.

Brick: IF ONLY WE HAD A MIRACLE!!!

Lynch closes his eyes, rubbing his temples with his middle fingers. Almost as if on cue, a metallic stomping echoes throughout the cavernous cave. Even the Pain stops, the buzzing of his hornets ceasing.

Lynch [Sighing]: Ah, yep, right on cue..

To the north-east of the cave, the stomping sound grows louder. A shield of hornets, buzzing in front of an entrance to prevent passage, are suddenly incinerated by a swift burst of white-hot flame which illuminates the entire cave. The Pain twists around.

The Pain: THE PAAAAIIIINNNNN!!!!

Lynch: Well, it IS Halloween.

Brick: DADGUM…IT’S…IT’S HIM!!!

The stomping silences as a hulking figure stands in the cave passageway. Clad in solid steel plates comprising a boxy armor, the body of the armor inexplicably painted yellow and the boxy helmet with a welding mask over it inexplicably painted a bright green, the Man In The Banana Suit returns once more. He reaches behind him, adjusting the valves on the bright green fuel tank while gripping the yellow nozzle.

Johnny [In disbelief]: WHO THE FUCK OR WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?!?!

Brick: THE MAN IN THE BANANA SUIT!!!!!!!! An immortal time traveller armed with nothing but a flamethrower and a deep hatred of the Union, as well as a love of potassium-rich fruits!!

Phil: So…he’s a Reb?

The Man In The Banana Suit: I DONE LIVE BY THE FLAMETHROWER!!!

Phil [Nodding]: Reb.

The Man In The Banana Suit [Pointing at the Pain]: YOU GON’ DIE, BUZZ MAN!!!

Lynch: Where? Where does he even come from? WHY is he even here? Who summons him?

Every head turns to Brick, who shrugs.

Brick: Dadgum, boys, I don’t got no clue where he comes from, he just kinda appears…

The Man In The Banana Suit stands in front of them, turning the valves on his fuel tank as the Pain shoots several bullet hornets towards him. The hornets ping audibly off of the steel armor as the Man In The Banana Suit, holding his flamethrower at his waist, takes a single step forward.

The Man In The Banana Suit: REMEMBER PICKETT’S CHARGE!!!

The Man In The Banana Suit lets out a bloodcurdling, howling, ululating rebel yell, firing the flamethrower at the Pain. A stream of white-hot fire rolls from the nozzle of the flamethrower and the Man In The Banana Suit sweeps it slightly, ensuring that the Pain and his hornets are bathed in the seering flames. The flames slowly die down, revealing the scorched body of the Pain, the hornet stings now accompanied by burned, blistering flesh.

The Pain [Wheezing]: The pain….THE PAIN!!!

The Man In The Banana Suit [Hollering]: Y’ALL FEEL IT LIKE GEORGIA FELT IT!!!

The Pain grips the joint of his right arm before slowly collapsing backwards.

And exploding.

A small explosion echoes throughout the cave, blowing smoke, flesh and hornets into the air. Where The Pain once stood, now stands nothing but a slow plume of smoke ascending into the sky above.

Frank: Well, that just happen--

A chunk of charred flesh hits Frank in the cheek. He blinks, wiping it away.

Frank: …Well, that just happened.

Snake: It certainly did.

Hornets slowly rain down from the sky, dropping into the water. From the cave hallway, the Man In The Banana Suit turns around.

Man In The Banana Suit [Screaming]: THE SOUTH SHALL RISE AGAIN!!!

The Man In The Banana Suit stomps through the cave, his booming footsteps slowly going silent as he disappears from sight and earshot.

Frank: Huh. I wonder who he is.

Brick: Death in metal…

Lynch: Well, men….that happened.

Phil: Indeed it did.

Vince [Surfacing]: Are the hornets dead?

Lynch: Jesus, Vince, how did you survive down there that long?

Vince: Well, Lynch, intense pain from hornet stings make you forget your fear of drowning.

Billy: It made yeh forget actually drowning?

Vince: ….Yes.

The mercenaries and Snake fall silent.

Mustafa: We’ve just fought a guy who was a literal hornets nest. I’ll believe it.

Bill: Yep, same here.

Lynch: ….Let’s just get moving.

Lynch dives into the water, swimming towards the cave tunnel the Man in the Banana Suit was standing in and climbing onto dry land, walking forward as the mercenaries and Snake follow suit…

***

The mercenaries, and Snake, have since exited the cave, following a snaking, craggy path through the caves and down, and into the blinding sunlight of Ponizovje South. Straight ahead of them, the watery orange light of the sunset peers through a row of trees, their canopies full and providing a natural archway across the shallow river through which they must now wade. Overcome with a sense of duty, and damp socks clinging to their feet inside soggy boots, the mercenaries and Snake march forward, with Lynch taking point.

Bill: Why are we doing this again?

Lynch [Tiredly]: To stop the world from going to shit.

Bill: Do we have to get our feet soggy though?

Lynch [Tiredly]: Yes.

Bill: My feet hurt!

Mustafa: Bill.

Bill: Don’t give me no ‘Bill’ shit! My feet hurt!

Billy: I’m about to shoot yeh, Bill.

Lynch: Searchlights.

Ivan and Jericho grab Snake’s shoulders, forcing him down below the water as they continue to march on. Though somewhat suspect of them, the searchlights of the UAV’s lingering on them, they don’t sound an alarm as Snake slowly swims alongside them. Passing the searchlight, he swiftly gets to his feet.

Snake: Why did you do that?!

Ivan: To stop you from being caught.

Steve: Last thing we need is an entire army fighting us.

Bill: I bet we could take ‘em.

Lynch [Chuckling]: That’s a lot of confidence, Bill. Or delusions.

Vince: Or both!

Bill: Shut up, Chewie.

Snake: We could have a chance. You’ve all done well so far.

Frank: Luck, mostly.

Phil: Ah, shut up: It’s skill. It’s skill from armed forces veterans who got dishonourably discharged, sure, but it’s still actual goddamn skill at the end of the day.

Lynch: Damn, Nolastname, that was almost inspiring.

The mercenaries follow a bend to the left, and emerge into a more open area with a large warehouse looming in front of them, almost embedded into the rock, with a set of two concrete docks extending outwards. Lynch, holds his left arm out, palm downwards, and slowly lowers his arm. The mercenaries and Snake slowly get to one knee as they all pull out their binoculars. On the left-side of the docks, a Russian soldier is jostling with Sokolov, grasping his arms and forcing him backwards.

Sokolov: Get your hands off me! I’m not going anywhere!

To his right, Volgin and the clearly-disguised EVA, now wearing glasses and what can best be described as a fetish-style army uniform with a khaki skirt that rises up to her upper thigh, black stockings and calf-high leather boots.

Volgin: Really now, how many times must I tell you?

Volgin places his hand on EVA’s right shoulder, sending a massive electric jolt through her. EVA screams, falling to the floor and rolling forward down concrete steps towards Sokolov.

Sokolov [Desperately]: Tanya!

The soldier forces Sokolov back as he jolts forward, and Volgin slowly walks down the concrete steps.

Volgin: Each time you resist, your lover will suffer the consequences. Is that clear?

Sokolov [Angrily]: Volgin..!!

Sokolov jolts forward, raising his left arm. The soldier, assault rifle held in front of him, pushes Sokolov back once more before pointing at him.

Upbeat, Half-English Accent, Half-American Accent Voice: I wouldn’t do that!

Lynch: That voice sounds familiar.

The familiar soldier aims his assault rifle at Sokolov, forcing him to raise his hands.

Sokolov [Bitterly]: Damn you!

With a smirk, Volgin walks forward and leans down, clasping a hand on the back of EVA’s neck and hoisting her effortlessly into the air. He places his hand over her left breast, appearing to grope it, before simply pushing his palm forward and sending another electric shock jolting through her body. The shock seemingly evaporates the sweat off of her body, causing steam to rise and her stockings to rip. Volgin drops her and she falls onto her hands and knees, gasping as her glasses fall to the floor. She quickly grasps them as the soldier shoves Sokolov towards the warehouse. A jingling of spurs suddenly echoes.

Ocelot: Hold it right there, traitor.

The soldier grasps the back of Sokolov’s leather coat, twisting him around and shoving him towards Ocelot who flips his revolver behind his back, catching it effortlessly and pointing it between Sokolov’s eyes. Sokolov edges to the left, followed by Ocelot’s revolver all the way, before Ocelot spins the revolver upwards, holding a bullet out in his right hand.

Ocelot: Let’s see how lucky you really are.

Ocelot slips the bullet into the revolver, spinning the chamber into position. He twirls his revolver a few more times before pulling out the revolver on his waist, then the revolver holstered on his back, now holding two in his right hand and one in his left.

Vince: Shit, he’s gonna shoot Sokolov three times!

Lynch [Sighing]: Nah, he’s just being a dramatic slut. Watch.

Ocelot: One of those three guns has a single bullet in it. I’m going to pull the trigger six times in a row. Are you ready?

Ocelot starts to juggle the guns. Intermittently, he pulls the trigger and continues juggling in impressive, fluid motions. With each pull of a trigger, Sokolov yelps, stumbling back. After five, Sokolov stumbles back, his hands shaking as he slides down a set of wooden boxes and onto the floor, urinating himself.

Ocelot: Looks like your luck hasn’t run out yet..

Sokolov hangs his head in embarrassment. Ocelot juggles one of the guns high into the air, but it’s caught by another figure, who turns and fires it into the water. That figure, of course, is the Boss, clad in her black poncho.

The Boss [Coldly, to Ocelot]: There’s no such thing as luck on the battlefield.

Volgin throws his head back and laughs before looking at the guard, nodding towards the warehouse. The guard drags Sokolov to his feet, who reluctantly drags his feet.

Familiar Soldier: Seriously, cut the shit!

The soldier pushes Sokolov towards the warehouse, aiming his AK-47 at him and forcing him to march into the warehouse.

The Boss [To Ocelot]: You’d better stay in line from now on. The Cobras will take care of him.

The Boss holds the revolver she caught in both hands, jolting slightly before shoving it back to Ocelot who takes it, revealing that she effortlessly separated the chamber and frame. Ocelot gasps angrily, narrowing his eyes and shaking his head before walking into the warehouse.

Volgin [Turning to the Boss]: Has the CIA dog been disposed of yet?

The Boss: …The Pain is dead.

Volgin [Angrily, through gritted teeth]: WHAT?!?!

Volgin slams the side of his fist into the wall before turning it, throwing his left fist forward with such force it cracks into the concrete before throwing a right punch so furious it embeds itself in the concrete up to his forearm. Vince whimpers.

Lynch: Shut up, Vince.

Volgin [Coldly]: He may be a child, but he’s definitely one of yours! [Pulling his fist from the wall, calmly]…I fear Khrushchev may have a hand in this. We have no time to lose. You must eliminate him before the final test.

The Boss: Don’t worry. They’ll be able to handle it.

Out of the warehouse, a wheelchair rolls forward…by itself. Sat in it is an old man, heavily liver-spotted and bald with a thick white beard, covered in a mossy ghillie suit without the hood.

Lynch: Who’s the old fuck in the wheelchair?

Snake: The End.

Lynch: Fuck, that’s ominous.

Vince: Yeah, is he like Thanos? One snap and half of us turn to dust. “I don’t feel good Mr Stark, it’s getting fucking dark!”?

Snake: What?

Jon: I mean, that IS ominous.

Steve: Look at him, though: Old. Decrepit. Maybe he’s called The End because he signifies the end. Of life. Or something. I don’t know, these people have weird symbolism attached to their monikers.

Billy: He’s a feckin’ old cunt. What is there more to say?

The Boss [Stepping in front of the wheelchair]: I’m leaving him to you….The Fear.

Behind the wheelchair, optic camouflage suddenly dissipates as The Fear, a thin and gangly middle-aged male with piercing red eyes, leaps inhumanly far into the air, running across the water and leaping to the left, darting across rocks.

Lynch: Jesus Christ, we’re facing the merry band of freaks..

Mustafa: Are you surprised?

Lynch: No…No. Just sickened.

Volgin stands in front of the End, who is snoring loudly.

Volgin: The old man is always sleeping. Is he alright?

The Boss: The End is saving what life he has left in him for battle. Normally, he’s dead..but he’ll wake up when the time’s right.

Vince: How does that even work?!

Phil: Dude, we just faced a guy who was a living hornets nest. I ain’t questioning shit right now.

A lightning bolt scars the sky ominously. Volgin looks at the sky, as does The Boss.

The Boss: …And when he does,…it will be the end for the boy.

Billy [Loudly]: LAAAAAAAAME.

Rain starts to pour down rapidly as Volgin approaches EVA/Tanya.

Volgin: Sokolov isn’t worth your love. You can entertain me until the rain stops.

Volgin walks into the warehouse, chanting Kuwabara, Kuwabara. EVA, clutching her chest, rises to her feet and follows reluctantly.

The Boss [Looking around, arms held out]: The Sorrow, is that you?

The Boss, nevertheless, turns around and walks into the warehouse, past two guards who walk out, one of whom grasps The End’s wheelchair and turns him around, wheeling him into the warehouse. Lynch gets to his feet, walking forward.

Snake: What are you doing?

Lynch [Pointing forward]: I know that guy.

Mustafa [Raising his machinegun]: Want me to blast him?

Lynch: No, Mustafa, it’s Sal. I’m certain.

Mustafa: ….The offer still stands, boss.

Billy [Raising his Dragunov]: Aye, I’ll do it.

Lynch: For the last time, the fucking court martials are tiring paperwork!

Lynch and the mercenaries wade forward into the water, swimming towards the docks and climbing up onto them. The sole remaining guard spins on his heels, facing them without raising his rifle. Lynch marches forward and the guard swiftly takes off his ski mask to reveal a shaved head and the light Polynesian skin of Sal Memeh-Porpington, the half Hawaiian, half British member of obscure nobility. Sal nods at them, slowly walking forward as they climb out of the water and onto the concrete dock.

Sal: Hey, it’s……Vince.

Vince: Sal.

Sal [Raising his AK-47]: Do I just shoot you now, bard boy?!

Johnny: Woah, calm down, Sal!

Sal [Angrily]: I WANTED TO BE THE BARD, YOU BEARDED PLEB FUCK!!!

Mustafa: Are we…seriously doing this right now?

Jericho [Climbing out of the water]: What’s going on? We fightin’?

Lynch: Sal, lower the gun.

Vince: I’m the best Bard!

Sal [Angrily, jamming his gun forward]: I’ll fucking kill you!!

Billy [Angrily]: SAL! WE HAVE A FECKIN’ MISSION TO COMPLETE, YA BAWBAG!!

Sal [Turning his gun to Billy]: I’M INSANE, I’LL KILL YOU ALL!!

Mustafa stomps forward, slapping Sal sharply across his right cheek. Sal recoils, lowering his rifle and nodding before breathing out and looking up at Mustafa.

Sal [Nodding thankfully]: Thanks, Mustafa..

Mustafa slaps Sal across his left cheek, causing him to reel back again.

Sal [Favouring his cheek]: Fucking OUCH!

Mustafa: I had to make sure.

Snake [Stepping forward]: Where’s Sokolov?

Sal [Laughing and shrugging]: Fucked if I know, they were taking him towards Graniny Gorki last I saw!

Lynch: When?

Sal: Literally thirty seconds ago. Were you paying attention?

Brick: You saw us?!

Sal: Brick, you pudgy motherfucker, I can barely miss you! Not you or that yeti!

Phil: Hey! Leave me out of this, I’m on your side!

Sal: I’M ON NOBOD--

Mustafa raises his eyebrows and his right hand, palm opened threateningly. Sal clears his throat, adopting a forced smile and looking at Lynch, then at Snake.

Sal: Just follow me, boss. I’ll show you the warehouse.

Lynch: Lead the way.

Sal leads the group into the warehouse..

***

Ponizovje Warehouse.

Sal leads the group through an L-shaped corridor, up a set of concrete steps and through a small red metal doorway into the warehouse itself. Lit a sickly shade of orange, the mercenaries march through the doorway. Sal leads Vince left, leading him down a set of concrete steps.

Lynch [Walking down the steps]: Anybody else here?

Sal: Just one.

At the bottom of the steps, a soldier stands beside them and takes off his ski mask, revealing a young, shaven-faced recruit with a mop of blonde hair.

Lynch: Ah, it’s Tim.

Tim [Snapping his heels together and saluting]: Lynch.

Lynch [Returning the salute]: At ease, Tim. Status report?

Snake: Sokolov?

Tim: Sokolov? No idea where they’re taking him. Last I saw they were taking him up towards Graniny Grad, which is a large laboratory to the North through the forest. It's where they're working on--

Snake: Then that’s where we’re heading.

Tim: But we need disguises!

Frank: Why?

Sal: Cause they ain’t just gonna let a bunch of soldiers roll up! Volgin’s really strict about that shit, and I ain’t pissin’ off a dude who can summon lightning!

Tim [Ignoring them]: Look, we need to disguise ourselves as scientists because it's a laboratory--

Phil: So, lemme get this straight…Volgin won’t allow mercenaries to roll up, but scientists are fair game?

Tim: Yes, he likes scientists. And, y'know, it IS a laboratory.

Steve: He…likes scientists?

Tim: The same way I like Johnny. Except in a less consensual manner.

Brick: .,….Well. Damn.

Phil: So, basically, avoid getting shot but the run the risk of some forcey fun-time?

Tim: …What the hell is that?

Phil: What?

Tim: Forcey fun-time?

Steve: When an incel wants a woman--

Johnny: Let’s…..Let’s not go there.

Tim: Look, just follow me you weirdos. There’s a stash of them in the food room on the second level.

Frank: Why?

Sal: Cause we stashed them there!

Frank [Cautiously]: …..Why?

Sal: …..Cause they came in on a truck and we ransacked it.

Bill: Yep, you can take the boy out of Beale Street..

Steve: It’s almost like you can see how we became mercenaries and why no armed force would have us.

Jericho: Yeah, cause we kick too much ass!

Tim [Walking across the floor, between boxes]: Whatever, just follow me.

Brick: Dadgum, nobody said anything ‘bout no stairs..

Vince: You could use it!

Brick: So could you!

Leading the mercenaries up to the second level of the warehouse via a set of concrete flat-turn stairs that extend high above them, Tim turns left and pushes open a metal door to a room stacked with a variety of crates and sacks of dried food. Most importantly, folded on the floor are several scientist uniforms.

Tim [Motioning to the mercenaries]: Grab your sizes!

Mustafa: Do they even have a Four-X?

Tim: Maybe. But more of an “I eat pocky and don’t move” Four-X, not a “I once benchpressed the Large Hadron Collider” Four-X.

Mustafa [Reaching down and grabbing a labcoat that is almost as large as a tarp]: …I’ll take it.

Brick: No shirts?

Tim: Just put the labcoats on, fasten them and it’ll at least get us through the front doors of the laboratory. After that, there will undoubtedly swift and blinding violence.

Lynch: Graniny Grad’s guarded?

Tim: Attack dogs, searchlights, armed guards…and I don’t think many of our lot are there.

Johnny: Why?

Tim: Because it's a laboratory. With scientists. Y'know, smart people.

Johnny: Ah, touche!

Lynch: Sounds fun.

Sal: It’s fucking dangerous!

Lynch [Pulling on his labcoat]: Look, we get in there with these coats, go in, punch some fuckers out, grab Sokolov and head home. Simple, right?

Snake [Taking his labcoat]: I doubt it.

Sal: Nobody asked you, killjoy.

Phil [Pulling on his labcoat]: I feel like a fuckin’ dork.

Jon: Well, that’s apt, cause--

Phil [Tiredly]: Jon, just be fucking nice for once, you bitter little troll.

Vince: Seriously, don’t you EVER get tired of being a hate-filled bitter little man?

Jon [Taken aback]: Excuse me, I fucking enjoy every second of it, you shits!

Steve [Pulling on his labcoat]: You’re the only one.

Jon: Do I look like someone who cares?!

Johnny: Yeah, I can see why you’ve had so many wives now.

Jon [Pointing at Johnny]: You’re on thin ice, mister.

Lynch [Walking out of the room, aside to Tim]: So, this base is a short walk North, right?

Tim [Pointing up]: Yep. Up on the third floor, left at the stairs, turn right and head out of the metal doors, and you’re into Graniny Gorki Laboratory. It’s a five, maybe ten minute walk, but it’s easy to get lost.

Lynch: Huh, really?

Sal [Walking out]: Yeah, I got lost in it.

Lynch: Then lead the way, Tim!

Tim nods, walking up the stairs and leading Lynch up as Sal stands there.

Sal [Taken aback]: HEY! THAT WAS AN INSULT, WASN’T IT?!

***

Graniny Gorki South. The mercenaries trudge through the dark forest, leaf matter and twigs crunching beneath their feet. Their destination: A dull glow slightly over high, craggy rocks to the North, a sign of the Graniny Gorki Laboratory. If Sokolov was taken anywhere, it would likely be at there. Lynch has taken point, followed by his loyal company of mercenaries. The only point of light, aside from the dull glow, is the watery moonlight shining down and dotting through the canopy of leaves above them.

Vince [Looking around]: Spoopy.

Lynch: Eyes open, men.

Sal: Well, we wouldn’t walk around with them closed.

Frank: ….Okay, let’s face it, some of us would.

Bill: Some of us already do.

Lynch: ..Was that a joke, or was that you trying to be deep?

Bill: A little bit from column A, a little bit from column B.

Sal: Bill, don’t try being deep. Just…stick to guns.

Bill: Now that’s what I like to hear!....Fuck it’s dark.

Snake: Graniny Grad should be up ahead, right?

Tim: Yep, just up this little step here and we’re done.

Lynch stops in front of a rocky outcropping, grasping it with his left hand to stabilise himself as he steps up.

Lynch [Climbing up]: Hup-we-go! Come on, men! Who wants to live forever!

Phil: Not me, it’d be fucking boring.

Jericho: Like Courtney?

Phil: Fuck me, that’s a name I ain’t heard in a while. Nah, like Emilie.

Jericho: …It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

Lynch: Stop chattering and get your asses up here!

Tim climbs up, followed by Johnny as the mercenaries gather around it, pulling themselves up.

Ivan: Vell, I vonder vat avaits us here..

Steve [Looking ahead]: Whatever it is, it’s probably not a good thing.

Frank: Y’know, I sense another dark, forbidding presence.

Vince: Look, I don’t appreciate being made fun of—

Frank: Not you! Something else..

Tim: Well, I guess we’ll see, huh?

Once Snake and the mercenaries have climbed up, Lynch takes point, leading the group through a short pass and out into an open area: The Laboratory base unfolds in front of them. From left to right, a tall barbed-wire fence impedes all access to the concrete behemoth, with the exception of a set of four large steel gates, in two pairs, slightly to their left. Two spotlights from the roof of the base shine down on this access point, and a Doberman Pinscher warily wanders to the left, following a patrolling guard around a corner.

Snake: What now?

Tim: These disguises are foolproof! We just go in and ask to see Sokolov!

Frank: That’s not foolproof..

Sal: And nobody’s gonna believe Mustafa’s a scientist. Dude looks like he benchpresses dark matter.

Mustafa: Hey, scientists can be of any size, any race, any gender and any sexuality. Now shut up or I’ll give you a PhD.

Sal: Pound Head Down?

Mustafa: You’re damn right.

Lynch: Look, just follow my lead.

Lynch leads Snake and the mercenaries up the gate…..and Lynch bangs on the right-hand gate with a balled fist, causing it to shake noisily.

Snake: What are you doing?

Jericho: He’s knocking.

Snake: Isn’t that suspicious?

Jericho [Scoffing]: Please, what else are we gonna do? Army crawl under the barbed wire and sneak in?

Snake: Well….yeah.

Bill: pfft, fuck that!

Lynch: Yo, let us in! We’re science guys!

Tim [Aside]: Science guys? Really?! They’re gonna see through these disguises!!—BRICK!!

Brick: What?

Tim: Did you tear off your fucking labcoat sleeves?!

Brick stands there, looking down at his arms to reveal that he did, in fact, remove the sleeves from his labcoat and workshirt, leaving nothing but his pale, flabby arms.

Brick: I need my body to breathe!

Billy: Your body’s fucking hyperventilating…

Brick: What’d you say?!

A guard slowly walks over to their right. Heavily muscular and tall, the guard cuts an imposing figure as he turns left, standing in front of the gate. Cold blue eyes gaze at Lynch, but soften when they see him.

Lynch: Yo, buddy, we’re doing science shit. Let us in.

Guard [With a familiar, French-lilted voice]: Ah, but you are not..

Sal: We are! We have coats and everything!

Tim: Yeah! Honest!

Guard: You stole zem..

Frank: Excuse me, but we plead the Fifth!

Guard: Zis is Russia…

Phil: ….We plead the Fifth!

Mustafa: Just let us in.

Guard [Sighing]: Okay, let me just get this..

The figure grasps their ski mask, whipping it off to reveal a shaven head and rugged face with sharp cheekbones and stubble. The familiar face grins at them.

Fabien [Ecstatically]: BONJOUR!!! WELCOME TO ZE BASE, MOI LEGION!!!!

Lynch [Tiredly]: Hello, Fabien..

NEXT TIME

It’s time for stealth! Or some approximation of it. The mercenaries infiltrate Graniny Grad, pool their resources and try to rescue Sokolov from wherever the fuck he is! There’s a Metal Gear in here somewhere too! And stuff!

Tune in next time to see The Fear, The End and the end of the Fear! And the end of the End! Or is that too much in terms of spoilers?...

Saga III Chapter VIII - A Quick Death In Mexico

**BEALE AND WALKER STREET, THE SINAI**

In Beale and Walker Street, a beige Humvee has parked at the top of the street. With Tenpenny in the driver’s seat and Lynch standing outside with his arms folded, Cloete, Tavi, Kane and Stephen climb out of the rear. Cloete walks around to the passenger’s side, opening the door for Krige who is sitting beside Tenpenny. Jeeves remains sat in the back, looking distinctly uncomfortable.

Lynch: Here we are, Krige.

Krige [Looking around, smirking]: Aye, you can tell the English are here, so many fuckin' pubs and not one bit of culture around!

Tenpenny bites his tongue irritably as Krige climbs out of the passenger's seat, gripping his VSS rifle intently.

Lynch: Your outpost is up there, very close to the town.

Krige: Yeah, and i'll be comin' down for a drink every night.

Lynch [Sighing]: You can do what you want, Krige, just make sure you shoot enemies and not friendlies.

Krige: I'll fuckin' shoot anyone who pisses me off.

Lynch: Well, y’know what? That’s a start.

Krige: Yeah yeah.

Tenpenny [Quickly]: If you don’t mind, me and Jeeves must be off for a while. Ta-ta!

Lynch: Hold on, where are you going?

Tenpenny [Mumbling beneath his breath]: To find a better rifle capable of killing a South African cunt.

The engine roars violently as Tenpenny speeds off, not even bothering to have Jeeves take the wheel and spraying the mercenaries with sand. Kane coughs slightly, waving his hand in front of his face as he watches.

Kane: Well, that was bloody nice of him.

Lynch: Never seen Winston pissed off before.

Krige: Ah, bollocks to ‘im!

A series of coughs sound from nearby. Lynch turns around, watching as a familiar figure steps out into the street.

Lynch: Oh fuck, it’s you.

Courtney, looking distinctly paler and a lot more exhausted, steps out into the street, looking around. Tavi takes a step forward and both women lock eyes.

Tavi: Hello.

Courtney: Hello.

Despite the previous friendliness of both women, the tension between them is palpable. Tavi’s fists clench slightly, a move that Stephen notices and causes him to take a step backwards.

Stephen: …Can we NOT fight he--

Courtney and Tavi [In unison]: Shut up!

Stephen: Iiiiiiiiii’m just going to step into ReLoaded.

Stephen whistles innocently, turning around and quickly rushing into ReLoaded, slamming the door shut behind him.

Courtney [Quietly]: You look well.

Tavi [Quietly]: You look like hammered shit.

Courtney: Having your hometown fall to an invasion will do that to a person.

Tavi: Shame.

Courtney: It is. Ever seen somebody crucified before?

Tavi: No.

Courtney: It’s fucking awful.

Tavi: I can imagine.

Lynch: Wait a minute..Wait a minute….Somebody invaded your hometown?

Courtney [Looking at Lynch]: Tennessee is gone, Lynch. It’s Brazilian territory now.

Lynch: Oh. Yeah, Mother told me.

Courtney: They’ve moved on to New Mexico.

Kane: Bloody hell, the Brazilians are actively taking territory?! REALLY?!

Courtney: Really.

From behind the bombed-out husk of a building at the end of the street steps out Mother Mercenary. Every single face falls across the mercenaries, aside from Krige who is simply watching, amused.

Mother: Hello, children.

Lynch: Hello, Mother.

Kane [Quickly]: Mother, did you know about this—if Tennessee has fallen, that means the Academy--

Mother: Is gone.

Kane: WHAT?! HOW?!?!?! WHY?!?!

Lynch: It’s on a need-to-know basis, furry boy, and you don’t have clearance.

Courtney: I wish you had told me, Mother.

Mother: Even I didn’t know Dan would lead an assault of such sheer ferocity so soon. Nor did I expect the Academy’s recruits to align with him in all fairness.

Courtney: Me and my family are lucky to have escaped with our lives. And now you have fucking Krige of all people acting as defence.

Courtney glares over at Krige, who gives a small wave and a grin.

Krige: Didn’t know shit was stacked so small!

Courtney lunges forward, but Lynch quickly steps in front of her, blocking her path.

Lynch: Don’t. Just….don’t.

Mother [Ignoring them]: You’ll be working extensively with our team on Project Eos and your family will be housed in the Academy itself. There is no need to worry about your safety.

Courtney [Growing angrier]: Tell that to the fucking people I saw crucified in Tennessee!

Krige: War’s unpleasant, lassie, grow a pair!

Courtney: Gee, then at least between us, we’ll have one set of balls!

Krige [Laughing in disbelief]: Bloody hell, the little troll has a mouth on ‘er! Can’t wait to put a bullet in it!

Mother [Coldly]: To your post, Krige.

Krige: Yeah yeah…

Krige shoulders his rifle, turning around and walking up the street.

Mother: And Krige?

Krige [Turning around]: Yeah?

Mother: If you threaten Courtney again, or otherwise harm ANY of my men, I will personally climb your guard tower, rip out your internal organs and make myself a hearty stew from them, using your broken bones as a stock. Do you understand?

Krige [Laughing and waving his right hand before turning around]: Yeah, sure!

Lynch [Laughing]: Never seen anybody put the shits up Krige before!

Mother [Looking at Lynch]: Marcus, keep me informed on him. For now, I need to take Courtney and Kane to the Academy.

Lynch: Alright.

Mother, Kane and Courtney walk up the street as Lynch watches, scratching his nose and giving an irritable sigh.

Lynch: Hm. Alright. Guess I’ll just grab a drink.

Lynch turns around, jolting back slightly the moment he comes face-to-face with Dean.

Dean: Hey boss.

Lynch [Angrily]: For fucks sake, Dean, don’t scare me like that!

Dean: Sorry boss.

Lynch: And stop calling me ‘boss’, you weird prick, just call me Lynch. What do you want?

Dean: Do you have any experience in dealing with the undead?

Lynch looks at Dean before simply turning on his heels and walking down the street, towards the Lamb and Flag.

Dean: Was it something I said?!

Lynch: YES!

Dean simply stands before looking back at the doors of Kebaborama. Bobby is swiftly thrown through the doors, rolling across the desert sands as a zombie bull snorts violently in the doorway, glaring at Dean.

Dean: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww shit.

Karab’s Voice [Angrily]: STOP SELLING MYSTERY MEAT!!

Dean: COME UP WITH A BETTER PRODUCT, AVANASH!!

Karab screams violently, suddenly appearing as he vaults straight over the bull, tackling Dean to the ground and pummelling him desperately. Samuel sighs, standing beside the bull and watching Dean and Karab wrestle on the ground.

Samuel: Y’know, I’d have thought the holiday would’ve helped them both.

**MEXICO CITY, MEXICO**

Mexico City, the capital of Mexico. Despite having a name without an ounce of creativity, the city itself is arguably one of the more beautiful cities in the world. Relatively progressive, densely populated and now taking over as one of the world’s financial centres thanks to the fact that New York is little more than a warzone where even the traders are more busy selling weapons than stocks, Mexico City remains neutral in the face of the global war economy. At least, that’s it’s official stance: In reality, the creation of its own PMC to fight running wars with the drug cartels is very much boosting the war economy to new heights.

In Tláhuac, a borough on the south-east edge of the district, the rural town has been invaded by a tiny Mini Cooper, inside of which is squeezed Bobby, Marcos and Eligio. Parking up outside of what appears to be a hastily erected wooden shack, Bobby steps out, taking a look around the rural surroundings.

Bobby: Well, this is it: Tláhuac. This is where Melvin should be if those cartel members are to be trusted.

Eligio [Taking a deep breath]: So beautiful.

Bobby: You can’t even tell it’s Mexico: There’s no random dead bodies in the street.

Eligio [Scoffing]: Mexico isn’t that bad!

Bobby: I know a different Mexico to you, then.

Bobby walks around the car, pulling the boot open and reaching inside, pulling out a tattooed cartel member who has been hogtied with his legs and arms behind his back with thick rope.

Marcos: Why did we bring him all the way with us?

Bobby: I want to make sure that we’ve got the right address.

Bobby places his hands under the armpits of the cartel member, twisting him around to face the hut.

Bobby: Right place, amigo?

Cartel Member: ….Si…

Bobby: That’s good enough for me! Man, Melvin needs some money.

Bobby slowly lowers the cartel gang member onto his stomach, reaching into the waistband of his jeans and pulling out a bowie knife, slicing through the rope and freeing him from his bondage. The cartel member quickly stumbles up to his feet, sprinting down the nearby street.

Marcos: Quick little man, isn’t he?

Bobby: Man, I hope we didn’t upset him with the violent beatings and hogtying.

Eligio: You probably did—My God, this is Melvin’s house?

Marcos: Well, his sty.

Eligio: May as well get this over and done with.

Bobby sighs, walking up to the door of the hut and knocking three times on it.

Shaky Voice: Wh-Who is it?

Bobby: Melvin, ya wanker, it’s Uncle Bobby. Open the door or I’ll fucking rip it off its hinges.

Bobby stands there for a few seconds as several locks and bolts are presumably unlocked before the door slowly opens up. Melvin, who has always been short and skinny, appears even worse: His skin is pale and clammy, his feathery brown hair since shaven down to the scalp and deep black bags are etched under his brown eyes. A white t-shirt and jean shorts hang perilously loose on his fragile frame as his eyes shoot around in their sockets, taking in Bobby, Eligio and Marcos.

Melvin: Oh, uh, hi guys.

Eligio: Let us in, compadre!

Melvin steps aside, letting Bobby, Marcos and Eligio inside of the shack which, quite frankly, looks depressing. A lone room beckons them, with a mattress against the upper-left corner of the room and a small white plastic table in the middle of the room with a metal folding chair near it. Takeout containers and cartons dot the entire floor, with only a soiled fork on the table indicating that Melvin hasn’t resorted to eating with his hands.

Melvin: Well…this is my home…

Bobby [Looking around]: There’s fuckin’ nothing here, mate!

Melvin: I’ve been, uh, living on a budget.

Eligio looks at Melvin, who catches his gaze and gulps slightly.

Eligio [Narrowing his eyes]: Is everything alright, Melvin? You seem….off.

Melvin: I’m fine.

Marcos: Maybe we should make you piss into a cup.

Eligio: Yeah: Paranoid, skinny as hell, pale…..What is it, Melvin? What have you done?

Melvin [Looking around nervously]: Nothing! Nothing at all!

Bobby walks over to Melvin’s mattress, squatting down and picking up a hypodermic needle.

Bobby [Turning around]: …So, you’re into giving blood transfusions as a hobby or something?

Melvin yelps, turning around.

Melvin [Quickly]: I can explain everything!

Eligio [Folding his arms]: Please do!

A small silence fills the hut.

Melvin: I’ve got nothing..

Eligio [Sighing darkly]: Oh, Melvin…So this is what you’ve been doing? Drugs?

Melvin: I’ve seen some shit, man!

Marcos: All of us have. Few of us have turned to….whatever you’ve turned to.

Melvin: Heroin.

Eligio: Heroin. Even better.

Melvin [Quickly]: Look, guys, can you just get outta here? It’s not safe!

Eligio: Why? Are you tweaking? Going to stab us with a needle?

Melvin: No, it’s….goddammit…uh..

Bobby: What?

Melvin: Well….I’m having trouble cause…well…uh…I kinda have a debt.

Eligio: …A debt to who?

Melvin: Los Zetas.

A silence falls over the group before Eligio lunges forward, grasping Melvin by his collar and shaking him.

Eligio [Angrily]: LOS ZETAS?!?!? YOU HAVE A DEBT WITH LOS FUCKING ZETAS?!?!?!? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?

Bobby: Well, we’re fucked now. All we can do is flee the country.

Eligio [Panicking]: FLEEING THE COUNTRY WON’T DO SHIT!!! We are fucking screwed! We are going to be found in a ditch without our heads!!

Marcos: Los Zetas, the biggest drug cartel in Mexico…..Well, Melvin, you certainly know how to pick your fights.

Eligio [Angrily]: YOU FUCKING LITTLE SHIT!!! YOU STUPID, STUPID, STUPID LITTLE SHIT!!!

Marcos: Alright, calm down, we need to think of a plan.

Eligio [Hysterically]: THERE IS NO PLAN!! WE’RE FUCKED!! WE’RE UTTERLY, UTTERLY FUCKED!!!!

Marcos: Panicking won’t help.

Bobby: Hang on, that guy who gave us directions was in Los Zetas.

A silence falls over the group.

Melvin [Panicking]: WAIT, WHAT?!?!

Eligio [Panicking]: OH SHIT, WE LED THEM STRAIGHT HERE!!!

Marcos: NOW we’re fucked.

Bobby: We could try killing them?

Marcos: Yeah. Right. The Mexican government tried that for many years and it never helped. Do you really just want to piss off Los Zetas even more?

Bobby: Yeah, good point.

Marcos: So, what do we do?

Bobby: We get the boys together and run the fuck away from Mexico?

Melvin: Good plan!

Eligio looks around the room, counting below his breath before stopping.

Eligio: Hang on, there’s one guy that we’re missing.

Melvin: Huh. Yeah. Has anyone seen *beep* anyway?

Eligio: No. I kind of hope he’s alright.

**TATE MODERN – LONDON, ENGLAND**

The Tate: One of London’s premier attractions, designed solely for the purpose of displaying the worst possible art from deluded sociopaths and pretending that it means something to the world. Standing in a large room is That Other Random Guy, hands stuffed into the pockets of his leather jacket as he looks at a urinal, appearing distinctly unimpressed. A woman to his right, a fairly young woman with long blonde hair, wearing a denim jacket, a black t-shirt and jeans, stands there, hands clasped together as she examines the urinal with slightly more fervour.

That Other Random Guy: I’ll be honest, Melissa: It looks shit. In fact, it’s definitely shit. It’s pudding in a urinal: That is definitely shit.

Melissa [Scoffing]: What? Don’t you like art?

That Other Random Guy: It’s kind of hard to enjoy art when you’re surrounded by PMC soldiers.

That Other Random Guy glances around at the several PMC soldiers standing guard close to many art installations, as well as two standing guard on either side of the doorway.

Melissa: Mm. I know.

That Other Random Guy: But, yes, the art is shit too. I mean, come on, this is chocolate pudding in a fucking urinal! This isn’t art!

Melissa: It’s a metaphor for--

That Other Random Guy: Please don’t give me the whole ‘metaphor’ stuff, dear. It’s pudding in a urinal: It’s hardly Nietzsche or some shit.

Melissa: Open your mind, dear! You might find new horizons!

That Other Random Guy: Eligio said that before he whipped me on my first day.

A PMC soldier, standing next to a painting which is nothing more than a solid black colour, strolls over to That Other Random Guy. Almost instantly, he steps in front of the woman known as Melissa, narrowing his eyes.

That Other Random Guy [Coldly]: Fuck with my waifu and I end your lifeu.

PMC Soldier: ……..Okay then. I was merely going to mention that your shoelace is untied and you should probably tie it, just in case you trip over.

That Other Random Guy looks down, glancing at his right boot with the laces untied and loose.

That Other Random Guy: Oh.

PMC Soldier: Weirdo.

The PMC soldier walks away as That Other Random Guy falls onto one knee, tying his shoelace as Melissa looks down at him, giving a small laugh.

Melissa: You can take the boy away from the mercenaries….

That Other Random Guy: But he can’t stay away, even though I wish I fucking could.

Melissa: We’ll get you out of there one day.

That Other Random Guy: Preferably without Eligio or anyone else tailing me.

Melissa: Oh, we will! Trust me, I have my ways…

**

Bobby: I’m sure he’s alright, but now we’ve got to figure out how to escape the murderous clutches of Los Zetas.

Eligio: Well then, let us run!

Marcos: What about Melvin?

Eligio: Oh, him.

Melvin [Shaking his head]: I ain’t moving.

Eligio reaches into the back pocket of his jeans, pulling out a small bottle and a white rag. Eligio pours some liquid from the bottle onto the rag and walks towards Melvin, who watches him.

Melvin: What are you doing?

Eligio: Smell this for me.

Melvin [Cautiously]: Why?

Eligio: SMELL IT!!

Marcos moves behind Melvin, grasping his arms and holding them tightly by his sides. Melvin screams as Eligio quickly clasps the rag over Melvin’s nose and mouth. Melvin screams, dancing on the spot and shaking wildly.

Marcos: Eligio, chloroform is useless for knocking people out!

Eligio: Que?

Marcos: It takes five minutes for any effect to occur!

Eligio glares at Marcos, still holding Melvin tightly as his muffled screams pierce the air.

Eligio [Angrily]: WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO, THEN?!?!

Marcos walks over to Melvin and headbutts him roughly, knocking him out.

Bobby: Shit, Marcos, you know that’s not good for his health.

Marcos: Neither are hard drugs.

Eligio: He has a point.

Marcos: Is nobody else alarmed by the fact that Eligio openly carries chloroform and a rag with him?

Eligio [Looking down at the chloroform]: ………..It’s a habit.

Marcos: Attempting to knock people out is a habit these days?

Eligio: Well, it’s not effective, apparently!

Bobby: Look, let’s just bundle the fucker into the car and get the hell out of here.

Eligio: It won’t work!

Bobby: Well, we’ll fucking try it and see what happens!

Bobby grabs Melvin, slinging him over his left shoulder. He takes a deep breath, quickly barging through the wooden door and out into the streets, rushing towards his Mini Cooper. Marcos follows, but Eligio remains inside, his head peering around the corner of the doorway.

Eligio [Quietly]: No.

Bobby sighs, opening the rear doors of the Mini Cooper and throwing Melvin in as Marcos slowly climbs in beside him, their bodies cramped up. Bobby turns to the door, staring at Eligio.

Bobby: Look, mate, the first place that Los Zetas are gonna look is his own home. Now, if you want to sit there and get shot--

Eligio quickly rushes out of the house, slamming the door shut behind him.

Eligio [Quickly]: Well, let’s not waste any time!

Eligio sprints forward, diving into the passengers seat as Bobby crams himself into the driver’s seat, looking ahead and firing up the engine.

Bobby: You guys ready?

Marcos: Why do you have a Mini Cooper?!

Bobby: Y’know, I don’t really know. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Marcos: Bobby, man, we’ve got to get you a better car.

Bobby: But I like the Mini!

Marcos: Yeah, well, my knees don’t!

Bobby drives down the street, looking around as he does.

Bobby: Stop complaining and find me the best way to escape from this goddamn country.

Eligio: Over the border!

Marcos: Airport.

Bobby [Angrily]: I FUCKING KNOW! GIVE ME SOME DIRECTIONS!!

Eligio: Hey, why don’t we just hand Melvin over to Los Zetas? I mean, he IS a coward.

Bobby: We don’t just leave men behind, Eligio.

Eligio: But I don’t want to die!

Bobby sighs, shaking his head and focusing on the road ahead.

Bobby: If we die, can we please die with some dignity?

Eligio: I DON’T WANNA DIE!!!

Marcos: Hey, I’d like to avoid it too, y’know?

The car suddenly brakes, coming to a sudden stop.

Bobby: Well, that may be a little more difficult than we first envisaged.

Ahead of them, blocking the road, is a Panhard ERC 90 Lynx: A heavily armoured vehicle, roughly painted black by the new owners, with a turret pointed directly at Bobby’s Mini Cooper. To the left and right of the Lynx stand four heavily armed Los Zetas cartel soldiers on each side, aiming a menagerie of weaponry at the Mini Cooper.

Marcos: They even brought a tank.

Bobby: It’s fucking Tláhuac. How did they even get it here without the government noticing?!

Eligio: War economy. They blow us away, army swoops in and stops them: Everybody wins.

Marcos: Except us.

Eligio [Nodding]: Except us.

Marcos: So, this is it. Our own Bolivian Army ending.

Bobby: Man, I wish the Bolivian Army would show up right about now.

Eligio: Keep dreaming, Bobby. Let’s just die with dignity.

Bobby sighs, gripping the handle of the car door and looking ahead at the tank.

Bobby: So, I should step out and get riddled with bullets?

Eligio: You COULD accelerate forward and smash through some of them. They’d kill us but we’d go out with a bang.

Bobby sighs, gripping the steering wheel and staring ahead in despair..

**AEGEAN SEA**

Still cutting through the Aegean Sea is the U-Boat under the control of Robbie Steinhatten. Being swiftly followed by several submarines from Turkey’s own navy, the crew of the U-Boat are noticeably tense, with Benito manning the periscope and watching with extreme caution. Robbie stands nearby with his hands clasped behind his back, watching on with some confidence.

Robbie [Calmly]: I believe that we can take them on.

Benito: We really can’t. There’s several of them and I’m guessing they’re carrying the latest ordinance, not some rusty mines and torpedos.

Robbie: We can hit them with a one-two punch--

Lindemaan: No, sir, because that would be pure fucking insanity.

Robbie: Look, we’re still alive. That’s good enough.

Dave: For how long, Robbie? For how long?

Robbie [Angrily]: NOT LONG IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP!

Lindemaan: Sir, the Turks aren’t relenting.

Robbie: SO WE TURN AND FIGHT!

Heinrich: No, we don’t. We carry on towards the Suez.

Dave: I wonder what happened to Ivan and his crew anyway.

Robbie: Who cares?

Dave: Well, many of us do.

Robbie [Coldly]: I swear to God, I will kill you.

Benito: Sir, we really need to focus on keeping ourselves moving. Don’t make the order to fire: We’ll be cut to pieces in minutes, maybe even seconds.

Robbie walks over to the radio where Rudolf is sitting, taking the handset.

Rudolf [Cautiously]: Sir--

Lindemaan: Don’t do this, Robbie. Seriously.

Dave: Seriously, Robbie: For fucks sake, let’s not antagonise the Turks!

Robbie [Gripping the handset]: …..Fi--

Dave quickly tackles Robbie to the floor by his legs, pinning him down. Lindemaan quickly moves in, holding down Robbie’s left arm with Benito leaping on Robbie’s right arm as Heinrich wrenches the handset from Robbie’s hand.

Heinrich [Quickly]: Focus on moving towards the Suez! Do not stop and fire for any reason! Keep moving!

Robbie [Angrily]: MUTINY! MUTINY! FILTHY TRAITORS! STEINER, LUDWIG, HELP ME!!

The hulking forms of Steiner and Ludwig simply stand nearby, arms folded as Heinrich replaces the radio handset.

Dave: Find me some fucking rope!

Robbie: What the fuck?

Steiner stomps towards the bunks, emerging a few moments later with a bundle of rope. Dave reaches up and grasps the rope, hog-tying Robbie’s arms and legs behind his body, as well as tying a length of rope around his head and between his teeth, effectively gagging him. Lindemaan, Benito and Heinrich get to their feet as Dave stands up, dusting off his hands.

Dave: I’m taking command of this vessel now!

Dave leans down, grabbing Robbie’s fallen peaked cap and placing it on his own hand as Robbie writhes violently, glaring up at Dave.

Lindemaan: …..Well, what do we do?

Dave: TO THE SUEZ!!

Benito: Finally, our homeland!!

Steiner: What about Robbie?

Dave: We shall release him….IN THE CANAL! Nah, let’s just wait til we get home, he’s probably cranky from just eating Lunchables.

Robbie growls violently as Dave places his hands on his hips, puffing his chest out as he stares ahead..

**MERCENARY ACADEMY OF THE MIDDLE EAST**

In the Mercenary Academy, Lynch is standing outside of the door into Mother’s office once more. Lynch cricks his neck from side to side and knocks on the door.

Mother’s Voice: Come in.

Lynch opens the door and walks into the doorway, noticing that Joel Sykes, the brother of Bill whom he brought to the Sinai, is standing opposite the desk.

Mother: Looks like we’ll have to cut this short, so one last question: How are we doing, Joel?

Joel: Fine, ma’am. All systems are running at optimal power and the security is extremely tight. All connections and systems are being closely monitored.

Mother: Good. You can leave now.

Joel snaps his heels together and gives a swift salute before turning around, jogging past Lynch who walks into the room. Mother looks up at him, pointing to the chair opposite of her which Lynch sits on.

Lynch [Calmly]: Mother.

Mother: What can I do for you, Marcus?

Lynch: Just seeing how things are.

Mother: Was the idea of a holiday really so bad that you cannot enjoy it without visiting me constantly?

Lynch [Wryly]: You know me, Mother.

Mother: Indeed. I know you well. We are still awaiting news from Karelia and Father’s First Company.

Lynch: No problems?

Mother: Father’s Children is one of the best companies under our command. I have no worries about their capabilities.

Lynch: Well, that makes one of us.

Mother: I know that you wanted to be a part of the assault, Lynch--

Lynch [Laughing]: What? In Finland? Fuck that. I just don’t trust a bunch of overpaid nancies.

Mother [Sternly]: Do not underestimate them, Lynch. There are extraordinary soldiers within that company.

Lynch: I’m sure there are. Every single one grossly overpaid.

Mother sighs, shaking her head.

Mother [Calmly]: You really are an asshole sometimes, Lynch.

Lynch [Giving a wry smile]: Never heard you curse before, Mother.

Mother: Well, you bloody push it!

A knock raps out against the door.

Mother: Come in.

The door opens and Lynch looks over his shoulder: Standing in the doorway is Dick, the owner and barman of the Lamb and Flag in Beale Street.

Lynch: Dick.

Dick: ‘Ello, Marcus.

Lynch: …..Why are you here?

Dick: Excuse me, but I happen to be an invaluable member of--

Lynch: No, I mean away from the bar. Who the hell’s protecting it?

Dick: I’ve given that new furry English lad a broomstick. He should beat the fuck out of anyone and besides: Frank’s not here.

Lynch: Do you really think that Kane can fight off a bunch of mercenaries with a broomstick?

Dick: There’s still only a few lads out there. He can handle them.

Mother: Take a seat, Dick.

Dick sits down next to Lynch.

Mother: What brings you here?

Dick: Mother, we’re out of pork scratchings.

Mother [Calmly]: Is that why you’re here, Dick?

Dick: The guys really love pork scratchings. Morale and all that. Also, I picked up some chatter from some French Foreign Legionnaires who were in a few days ago.

Mother: Go on.

Dick: Well, y’know that shite in Karelia? Apparently, the French have also found a facility in Grenoble.

Lynch: More furries?

Dick: Oh, this ain’t anthropomorphic soldiers. Apparently, these are human test subjects. Fully human.

Mother: ….Now that is interesting.

Lynch: So, a fully-fledged continuation of the Perfect Soldier Project and Next-Generation Special Forces?

Dick: They aren’t living. From what I could hear, they were just stuck in vats without being activated, but it sounds like the project is in full swing.

Mother: Then I will certainly have to get in contact with the academy over in France and have more men look into it.

Lynch: What are we worried about anyway?

Dick: Aside from furries running around? I don’t fancy having to fight off super soldiers, especially super soldiers under order from Ocelot. Can you imagine if he controls both SoP and super soldiers? Fucking insanity all around.

Mother [Grasping the phone’s handset]: I’ll get something sorted. My my, it has been quite busy these past few months.

Lynch: Kind of like the calm before a storm.

Mother: Then let us prepare for ourselves long before the storm strikes….Both of you can leave now.

Lynch and Dick rise to their feet, turning and leaving the room as Mother sighs, sitting back in her chair and dialling a number on the telephone..

**PORT SAID, EGYPT**

The U-Boat is, thankfully, making headway towards Port Said which will, hopefully, allow them to finally disembark the U-boat.  Unfortunately for them, the Turkish Navy remains in hot pursuit, with several submarines chasing after them for daring to violate Turkish territory. Dave is busy watching through the periscope as Benito sits beside him on the radio, looking up at him.

Benito: What do we do, Dave?

Dave: As the new acting Admiral, we keep moving towards the Suez!

Benito: Uh, sir, we’re at the Suez.

Dave [Quietly]: ….Then why are the Turks continuing to follow us?

The U-boat shudders slightly as it enters into Port Said and the northern terminus of the Suez Canal. Dave, still watching through the periscope, notices that the Turkish Navy aren’t relenting and are continuing to pursue them.

Heinrich: Sir, at this rate, we’ll probably be leading them on a Benny Hill-style chase around the world. Quite literally.

Dave: Don’t these bastards know about the Convention of Constantinople?!

Lindemaan: ……..The what?

Dave: Article One of the Convention of Constantinople states that, and I quote, “the Suez Maritime Canal shall always be free and open, in time of war as in time of peace, to every vessel of commerce or of war, without distinction of flag.” These bastard Turks are ignoring it!

Lindemaan: To be fair, we are in a state of global war where even the Geneva Convention has been ignored. It’s not surprising that they’d ignore…the Convention of Constantinople.

Heinrich: Istanbul?

Lindemaan: No, Constantinople.

Heinrich: Istanbul?

Robbie’s muffled screams echo throughout the cabin as he wriggles violently, still tied up tightly and laid on the floor. He rolls towards Heinrich, slamming into his ankles and causing him to fall forward onto the floor.

Lindemaan: Thank goodness for that.

Benito [Holding the radio handset]: Sirs, I’m receiving a request for communication.

Dave: Go for it.

Benito: ….WHO IS IT?!

Voice from Handset: This is Admiral Khazi of the Egyptian Navy. Who is this?!

Benito: This is U-Boat--

Admiral Khazi [Sighing bitterly]: Not the fucking U-boat again..

Dave: That’s us! Little help, mate?

Admiral Khazi: Fuck off!

Hushed Voice from Handset: Admiral, the Turks are getting extremely close to us..

Admiral Khazi: Great, so we don’t have any choice. Now the Turks are going to send their fucking PMC after us..

Hushed Voice: They don’t have a PMC..

Admiral Khazi: THEY HAVE A FUCKING NAVY, THOUGH! I CAN SEE THAT!

Hushed Voice: Let’s just help them. We can scuttle their pathetic U-boat when the war is over.

Admiral Khazi: …..Alright, alright, guess we’re going to have to bring the full force of the Egyptian Navy.

Benito: So, all five rowing boats?

Admiral Khazi [Angrily]: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! STUPID PIG!     

Benito [Chuckling]: Holy shit, I think I upset him.

Dave: Shut up, Benito, we need their fucking help!

The Turkish Navy suddenly stops, close to the terminus of the Suez. Seeing the Egyptian aircraft carrier, it appears as if they have decided that its best to not upset an opponent who could actually destroy them.

Admiral Khazi: They’ve stopped. This is the first, and only, time that we are helping. Go. Now.

Benito: But you didn’t even do--

Dave: Thanks matey! ONWARDS!

The U-boat lurches forward, turning slightly as it heads towards a specially constructed submarine pen, docking inside and providing a safe haven for the crew of the U-boat to finally disembark and set foot on dry land.

Admiral Khazi [Quietly]: I’m going to demolish that fucking pen and make sure you can’t come back.

Dave: Yes, well, until then: Ciao!....Benito, put the goddamn radio away.

Benito switches the radio off, replacing the handset.

Lindemaan: I wonder why the Admiral does not know that we have been contracted by the Egyptian Government to go on these skirmishes.

Dave: Limited liability, mate: If we got captured or shot, they don’t want to link us back to the Egyptians. War economy is a funny thing, mate.

Lindemaan: So that’s why they gave us the cyanide capsules.

Heinrich: Cyanide capsules?

Dave: Yeah, those weird false teeth they gave us. They have hidden cyanide capsules in them.

Heinrich: Huh. So that’s why Hess died after biting his tongue.

Dave: Hess was a useless shit anyway.

Benito: What should we do about Robbie?

Dave [Shrugging]: Leave him. He owns the U-Boat and I’m sure he’d rather have some alone time on his vessel.

Heinrich: We can come ashore, though?

Dave: Ye--

A huge uproar occurs as several members of the U-Boat staff immediately make a mad scramble for the ladder up towards the hatch. As the U-boat empties, Robbie simply lays there, rocking in motion with the U-boat as he lets loose a heavy sigh.

Robbie [Quietly]: Fuck the world and everyone on it..

The scene fades to black.